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Arrival Of New Orlean’s “Heineken Looter” Adds Credibility To Nor’easter
While much of Upstate New York continues to dig out from record snowfalls that are being measured in feet rather than inches, residents are taking solace in the fact that their plight is now receiving proper national attention.
The arrival of disaster relief expert “Heineken Looter Guy” late Thursday afternoon gave hope to many that assistance would soon be on the way. Since his exceptional work in New Orleans in the wake of Hurricane Katrina, HLG has become the standard by which all potential disasters are now measured.
“We tried using all sorts of formulas and fancy devices to try and determine when an event goes from an issue of great concern to a full-blown natural disaster,” said FEMA spokeswoman Noreen Sanderson. “Nothing worked consistently. For my money, the presence of Heineken Looter Guy is the single best determinant of whether or not a weather event is in fact a catastrophe.”
Many local residents echo Sanderson’s sentiments.
“I’d been trying to contact various agencies to tell them of our plight, but no one would listen,” said Parish, New York resident Steven Dwyer. “I can’t even begin to tell you how relieved I was to see Heineken Looter Guy. One minute I’m shoveling twelve feet of snow out of my driveway, the next I’m booking a room for an all expense paid cruise to the Caribbean on the government’s nickel. Thanks for the love Heineken Looter Guy!”
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Arrival Of New Orlean’s “Heineken Looter” Adds Credibility To Nor’easter…
The arrival of disaster relief expert “Heineken Looter Guy” late Thursday afternoon gave hope to many that assistance would soon ……
You guys need to re-check your sources on this one,as Heinekin Looter guy was also seen at the DNC with with Howard Dean, where he is needed badly.
Imposter! Witness the “Route 78 Disaster” (or google it yourself, I’ve no time) The Heineken Looter was seen not only looting stalled Heineken trucks, but handing them out freely to the neediest of all: women stuck in their cars with whiny children. he’s passed the first step to Cult Hero Worship, can a People Magazine Cover be next?
I want my disaster recovery Heineken!
…and a debit card so I will not cut my self breaking into someone’s store.
YOU LOOT I SHOOT SQUAWK SQUAWK
Anyway, it’s a way to keep the beer cool.