As our regular readers are aware, the staff of TNOYF has been on an extended vacation at a conservative satire resort for a good deal of the summer. However, when we ventured off of the compound we had the good fortune to meet and spend some time with an old sea dog by the name of Captain Phineas O’Malley.

Phineas sports that weather beaten face which is standard issue in men of the sea. As you gaze into those eyes, perennially poised at half-mast to protect from the sunlight’s glare off of the ocean, you can almost feel the nautical history contained in his genetic make-up.

Phineas can trace his ancestry back to the early 16th century Irish sailors who were as noted for their ability to knock back the grog as they were for their seamanship. The good captain regaled us with tales of pirates and treasure. Of mythical creatures like mermaids, sea monsters and gainfully employed peace protesters.

He is one of those rare characters: a living link to a long ago time. And so as a tribute to the good captain we present, in his own words: 

Captain Phineas O’Malley’s Top 9 Nautical Euphemisms For Sex   

9. Bumpin’ Barnacles

8. Swabbing the Crow’s Nest

7. Layin’ Anchor

6. Going For a 3-hour Tour On the S.S. Phallus

5. Giving Her a Right Good Conching

4. Looking Askew at the Rear Admiral

3. Dropping a Depth Charge In the Lagoon

2. Hiding Nemo

1. Gettin’ Some Skiff On Yer Gangplank

(Note: Please remember to leave your question and comments here for our weekly Letters To The Editor.)

(Thanks to Mudville & Outside the Beltway.)

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