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Top 9 Little Known Facts About Hell
For the average person who has not had the opportunity to sit next to Helen Thomas at a White House Press briefing during the tenure of a Republican president, the inner workings of Hell remain a mystery. Certainly there is much conjecture and supposition about the goings-on in the Underworld, but no hard facts. Until now. Our Senior Hades Correspondent has once again gone above and beyond the call of duty with his most recent expose.
Without further ado we present The Top 9 Little Known Facts About Hell: 
9. A new survey of Hell residents revealed that the “After Hours Riverfront Joyride With Ted Kennedy” simulator remains the least popular form of torture in Hades for a record seventh consecutive year. Coming in second once again is the “Be Bill Clinton’s Intern’s Dress For A Day” experience.
8. Every Thursday is “Nachos & Sodomy Night.”
7. The Devil’s brother Raul remains the odds-on favorite to replace him when the Devils multi-millennial term expires in 2010.
6. The Devil has said he will never release Stalin regardless of how many times George Clooney protests that he was simply a “man ahead of his time.”
5. Despite receiving numerous proposals from House leader Nancy Pelosi, the Devil has refused to create an official George W. Bush wing. However, the Devil was quoted as saying that he is excited about the prospect of Jimmy Carter’s impending death, and the much anticipated “Habitat For Inhumanity” project that will follow soon after.
4. The Devil has never in fact been down to Georgia, but he has attended a number of continuing education conferences in Berkeley.
3. Fidel Castro will celebrate his twelfth anniversary a week from Tuesday.
2. Hell residents who exhibit exceptionally poor behavior are forced to watch Gymkata on a loop for eternity, as Robert Byrd explains the political repercussions of the film in great detail, while doing his spot-on Susan Estrich impersonation.
1. While everyone knows that “666″ is the “Number of the Beast,” fewer people are aware that “”777″ is actually the “Number of the Beast’s Second Cousin,” Irving Phlegmburg.
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9a,b,c & d.
A. There is only one station on television.
B. It’s the Soccer Channel.
C.The colorman on the broadcasts is Keith Olbermann.
D. The TV sets do not have on/off controls.
Joe is a sick, sick man. There may be a job for him here.
Barney Frank and Larry Craig may not have that bad a time if number 8 is true.
HELL IS THE PLACE WHERE LIBERALS GO
I love 8. Every Thursday is “Nachos & Sodomy Night.”
Hell has no scorn comparable to the scorn of Hellen Thomas.
If she is mad and has a bic lighter in hand watch out.
She may just bend over with the lighter and fart in your direction. The scorching blast has been described has hell.
It looks similar to the picture above.
Funny thing about that Irving Phlegmburg–He spends every hour of every day going from resident to resident playing songs by Tony Basil and Merele Haggard on an accordian. Also–he was going to “out” Dumbledor but that stupid J.K. Rowling beat him to it. He has always been just a small step behind.
‘Every Thursday is Nachos & Sodomy Night.’!!!!!
LOL!! You should be writing for Letterman!!!
Every Thursday is Nachos & Sodomy Night.
I didn’t know Gerry Studds and Liberace liked nachos! I learn something new about Hell every day.