Guest Editorial by Al Sharpton

When The Nose On Your Face asked for my thoughts on the Duke rape case, I hesitated.  First, they already have Ike Turner as a guest columnist, and I don’t want to mess with Mr. Turner.  I’ve seen what that crazy black man can do when he thinks a brother is movin’ in on his space, be it a b-tch or a guest column. Second, why should I write for a blog that has a freaky-eyed mutant white guy on the banner?  That boy looks like the bastard gay-love child of Max Headroom and Chris Matthews.  Makes me scream every time I open the damn page.  But finally, and most importantly, I got a big problem with all the Nutella-talk on this blog.  While the creamy hazelnut spread may be an irresistible European taste sensation, the sh-t is the same color as Barack Obama.  And Obama, my friends, is not a black man.   He’s Hawaiian.  Huge fu-kin’ difference.  You got doubts? Listen to Don Ho sing “Tiny Bubbles” and try to tell me that’s the place that’s going to produce the future of the black movement.  That Obama boy wouldn’t know a brother if he stood up in his gazpacho.

All that to the side, I felt I had to write anyway, even though all I’m getting for my effort is one of these awful Islamic Rage Boy Shirts.  Sh-t, these boys Potfry and Buckley seem to think they’ve stumbled on the next freakin’ Hula-Hoop with this Islamic Rage Boy nonsense.  Don’t get me wrong, I can be a mean son of a bitch, but there’s something just pathetically sad about a couple of deluded white boys constantly checking their g-d-damn website to see how many Islamic Rage Boy T-Shirts they HAVE NOT sold.   

So, to the subject at hand: the Duke Rape case.   I have watched from afar the unfolding of events in Durham County, North Carolina with something approximating merriment.  Let me first review the facts:  Exhibit A: Injured poor black stripper. Exhibit B: Rich white college boys.  Ladies and gentlemen, one would think it’s pretty hard to screw this one up, right?  Just bring the two parties together, stir vigorously, and watch. I mean, I do this with my eyes closed, folks.  It ain’t complicated.

But wait. There’s another ingredient.

Exhibit C: District Attorney Mike Nifong.  Lily-white, blond and smiling, Mr. Nifong looks like he’s in between playing 9 at the Cracker Country Club and racing to his kid’s soccer game. This ladder-climbing albino with sushi in his teeth is going to be the SPARK of racism?!?  WE’RE TALKING ABOUT A GUY WHO THINKS BITCHING AT A PARKING LOT ATTENDANT ABOUT THE SMELL OF KFC IN HIS BMW CONSTITUTES INTERACTING WITH BLACK PEOPLE!

Yes, this case was doomed from the start.  Mr. Nifong simply committed every single mistake a rookie race-baiter can make.  I mean, did he learn anything from my deft handling of the Tawana Brawley case?  Who, in their right mind, produces a rape victim that IS NOT covered in animal feces?   No racial slurs written on her body?  These are basics, people.  You might as well not even play the game if you’re not going to understand the rules.

In sum, Mr. Nifong has set-back race-baiting at least a decade.  Which, in turn, has set back black people like…another century or something.  On top of the millennium we’ve already lost.  This simply makes the case for slavery reparations stronger, as I’m sure you can imagine.  More on that in the near future.

Related posts 

1. TNOYF Exclusive: “Duke Rape” DA Mike Nifong Presses New Charges On Christmas Eve
2. Leaked Photo of Duke Rape Accuser’s Baby Sparks New Questions for Mike Nifong
3. Breaking News: Mike Nifong Files New Charges in Duke Rape Case
4. Al Sharpton Visits Camp Casey; Joey Buttafuocco Next
5. Study Finds Obama Street Cred Tied To Pimp-hand Strength