9. Obviously your involvement with both Reverend Jeremiah Wright and Bill Ayers of the Weather Underground have become huge campaign issues and we’d be remiss if we did not mention them. That being said, do you like Tiger Woods’ chances of taking at least two of the next three Majors this season?

8. If you had a time machine, would you go back in time to prevent U.S. troops from being sent to Iraq before or after you prevented them from being deployed to Europe in the 1940s for the senseless, extremely costly war against Germany and Japan?

7. One weblog forwarded the notion that “once you go Barack, you never go back.” Is this true?

6. Tell us more about your excellent campaign slogan: “A pony in every backyard.”

5. Two-part question. How many minority social workers from Chicago will it take to solve the ills of this country? And are you willing to tax evil corporations an additional 50-60% for the greater good that would come from their efforts?

4. How would you respond to your critics who have slammed you for having little to no practical foreign policy experience, conveniently omitting the fact that you have several atlases, a really cool globe that opens up into a bar, and home videos of your childhood trips that have already been converted from 8mm to digital?

3. If elected president, would you be comfortable using your powers to solve the world’s food shortage by turning a package of Mrs. Paul’s Fish Sticks and a three-liter bottle of Diet Pepsi into lifetime supplies of each?

2. Given the following choices, what term best describes you: “wicked awesome”, “totally wicked awesome”, or “off the chain, cha-chinga-ching to the 10th power awesome?”

1. How many puppies would you estimate you have saved from drowning during your tenure in the United States Senate?