Hollywood icon Harrison Ford is currently appearing in an Internet video having his chest waxed. Ford, the star of such blockbuster franchises as Star Wars and Indiana Jones, decided to undergo the painful procedure as a way of demonstrating the pain that the Earth feels when deforestation occurs.

Too often celebrities are chastised by conservative pundits, radio hosts (see Laura Ingraham’s “Shut Up And Sing!“), or bloggers for not “putting their money where their mouth is.” We at TNOYF applaud Mr. Ford for taking a stand, and hope that other stars will follow suit.

Following are other noteworthy causes with our suggestions for celebrity activism.

9. Staple individual slices of Kraft cheese to a handcuffed Sean Penn and then unleash 1,000 Norway Rats to commemorate the spread of the bubonic plague in the late 1300s.

8. Cut out Barbara Streisand’s tongue to symbolize her unity with oppressed women in the Middle East.

7. Burn Oliver Stone’s books, impound his homes and vehicles, confiscate his money, and throw him in jail with no legal representation to show his unity with the plight of the much-maligned former Cuban leader Fidel Castro.

6. Program robots to perform painful anal probes on Nancy Pelosi to draw attention to discriminatory practices against illegal aliens.

5. Have Michael Moore’s core temperature raised to 147 degrees to symbolize the dramatic impact that global warming has had on the planet.

4. Perform a lobotomy on Reverend Jeremiah Wright to once and for all end the question over neurological differences between blacks and whites.

3. Cover Geraldo Rivera in brightly-colored papier-mache` and hang him from a tree near a group of stick-wielding juvenile delinquents to show support for the plight of undocumented immigrants.

2. Have the cast of The View hold a “Be A Baby Fur Seal For A Day” telethon during which they take turns clubbing each other to show support for the lovable aquatic mammals.

1. Feed Danny Glover to grey wolves to celebrate the carnivore’s return to prominence in the western United States due to the tireless efforts of animal rights activists.

New polling data reveals that Republican presidential candidate John McCain’s “luck quotient”, or “LQ”, has skyrocketed of late, and that he now only lags behind Playboy magazine founder Hugh Hefner (Go ahead. Subscribe here. You know you want to.) as the most fortunate senior citizen alive today. The study, conducted by the AARP, was released earlier this week.

“When we luck at a person’s LQ we take many things into consideration,” said Jack Murphy, the designer of the study. “Obviously we look at the number of good things that has happened to the individual. We also look closely at the quality of the good fortune in each instance. When we totaled all of these factors up, Senator McCain was found to have an LQ of 198. To put that into perspective, Hugh Hefner has an LQ of 227, while Arthur Sanderson, an octogenarian with dementia from Burlington, Vermont who became lost in the woods and was eaten by feral cats, had an LQ of 3.”

McCain’s string of good fortune was not lost on one veteran senior watcher.

“This guy must have shamrocks for nipples and a horseshoe for a spleen,” said firebrand senior citizen pundit Buford ‘I Remember When Gas was 1/10 Cent Per Gallon’ Jackson. “First he rises from the dead and despite looking like Gollum with advanced leprosy manages to somehow slip through the Republican nomination process. Then he gets to watch Obama and Clinton whack the hell out of each other for the better part of the past year while he sits back, sips tea and bones up on ‘Conservatism For Dummies’. I’m not a betting man, but if I were I’d say that Senator McRabbit-Foot there might want to schedule in ‘Bingo Night’ at his church before his luck changes.”