Former Dallas Cowboy wide receiver Michael Irvin, a semi-finalist for the Pro Football Hall of Fame, further cemented his chances for induction into Canton when police officers discovered a crack pipe in his car during a traffic stop.

“Michael was already looking like a sure bet for the Hall,” stated veteran NFL analyst Jim Dyer referring to Irvin’s past record of cocaine and marijuana use and his fondness for prostitutes. “But this incident absolutely sews up a spot for him. He has handled this like the seasoned veteran he is. Let’s review. So far he has: denied all charges, admitted no wrongdoing and made the appropriate counter-accusations. And he did it all with a weepy, yet not overdone style that gives the distinct impression of victimization. Textbook stuff. I suspect that after his induction, we’ll see Michael running for office somewhere on the Democratic ticket.”

For his part, the former NFL All-Pro claims that the crack pipe belongs to a friend who recently left a Houston area rehab center and spent Thanksgiving with the Irvin family.

Editors Note: I too have a friend that has a problem. You see he has this open, pussy sore in his groin area. If any of our readers has any medical training and could help me my friend out with some advice as to how to proceed with my his concern please contact me (and I’ll pass the information along to him of course) as soon as possible. Thank you. 

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