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The New Pocket Casualty Counter From The Associated Press!
Are you freakishly obsessed with the daily casualty count in Iraq? Do you find yourself disappointed when a day or two goes by and no American soldiers die? Have you ever been at a cocktail party and said, “How can we be so damn jovial when George Bush is responsible for a death toll in Iraq that is approaching one-tenth the total of British dead in the Second Boer War?”
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need the new Associated Press Pocket Iraq Casualty Counter! Now the information you need to make bizarre, extraneous points about the Iraqi War is at your fingertips, 24 hours a day! The Pocket Casualty Counter uses satellite technology to wirelessly provide instant updates on casualties, as they happen. And the Pocket Casualty Counter links the death toll with a historical database to provide you with the factual ammunition you need to battle those crazy neo-cons, on the go! So you’ll be able to say, “I hate to be the one to tell you this, but George Bush has now murdered 10 times the number of people who are eaten alive in an average decade by the Spotted Siberian Tiger.” Imagine the look of shock on their Christian fundamentalist faces!
Still not convinced? What if we told you the Pocket Casualty Counter can be personally customized, so the latest information can be delivered by your favorite anti-war celebrity? That’s right! Who better to tell you that a U.S. soldier has died than Cindy Sheehan? Or Michael Moore? Imagine the dulcet tones of John Kerry echoing from your pocket against a funeral dirge. You’ll be the envy of everyone at Starbucks!
But wait, there’s more! Act now, and we’ll include a free software upgrade to get real-time WOUNDED statistics as well. And since the Pocket Casualty Counter counts SAD and SLEEPING soldiers as WOUNDED, you’ll get the robust numbers you need to make killer anti-war points that will leave your opponents speechless!
How can this get any better? Order in the next 30 minutes, and we’ll send you, free of charge, the AP Abacus of Dead Iraqi Civilians. Now you can count the murdered innocents of Iraq like an old Babylonian, wailing and crying as you slide the beads of death!
So that’s the Pocket Casualty Counter, the free WOUNDED software upgrade, and the AP Abacus of Dead Iraqi Civilians! And you can have it all for just $199.99! But you must act now! Sympathetic operators with multiple piercings are standing by! CALL NOW!
Click here to visit TNOYF’s new on-line store!
- Retro-Nose: The Iraq Pocket Casualty Counter From The Associated Press!
- Retro Nose: The New Pocket Casualty Counter From The Associated Press
- Retro-Nose: The New Pocket Casualty Counter From The Associated Press!
- Number Of US Dead, Wounded In Iraq Drop, NYT To Reevaluate Criterion
- Iraq Death Toll Will Soon Equal Total of Bubonic Plague Minus Irish Potato Famine
Does this come with battery charger,or must they be replaced.Financially speaking one would want to know.
Forget someone on your gift list?
Fear not! TNOYF has a great gift idea for that member of your family that loves to keep track of Iraq casualties:
Toss in something that makes julian fries and you’ve got a deal!
The Friends of Terror Scrapbook
The State Department just declassified documents relating to the murders of U.S. diplomats in the Sudan in 1973. As many have suspected, the U.S. was aware that Yasir Arafat directly orchestrated the killings…
It would have been a great Christmas gift for all my friends in the militia.
“… sympathetic operators with multiple piercings… ”
Bwaaaahahahaha great satire piece, right up to the end!
The Friends of Terror Scrapbook
The State Department just declassified documents relating to the murders of U.S. diplomats in the Sudan in 1973. As many have suspected, the U.S. was aware that Yasir Arafat directly orchestrated the killings…
New Pocket Iraq Death Toll Calculator Gives You A New “Grim Milestone” With Almost Every Casualty!
Not really. But if they did sell these things, they would sell out. Are you freakishly obsessed with the daily casualty count in Iraq? Do you find yourself disappointed when a day or two goes by and no American soldiers…
News or Editorial Headline?
What exactly is the point of this headline?
Yahoo News/AP 12/26/2006: U.S. deaths in Iraq exceed 9-11 count
Is this a real milestone or an attempt to establish an emotional milestone based upon a comparative cost of the war and the attack of 9/11? Th…
Can we get one of those blackberry things with it? (I have never had one and it looks cute)
Amen. I’m so tired of hearing how mnay soldiers have gotten killed in Iraq…. like that kind of nit picking matters. It’s about the mission, people, not the lives of indivdual troops.
I always thought that “casualties” included the number of wounded, which would make for a total of more like 30,000 at the very least.
I was going to ask why we’re suddenly redefining things but then I felt silly.
Body Count! Body Count!
Shades of Garry Trudeau and his satirical takes on “body count” reports during Vietnam (has he — have I — really been around that long?!) …
The Nose on Your Face unearths The New Pocket Casualty Counter From The Associated Press! …
Amaze …
I Need One of These!
It’s the Pocket Iraq War Casualty Counter, from the Associated Press! H/t: Ace….
I’m headed back for another Iraq tour next month.
If I buy the farm this tour, please don’t act like it isn’t a big deal to anybody. Those numbers aren’t “nit picking”. Each one represents an American life cut too damn short.
Wow SPC, talk about a point being completely missed……
Perhaps you’d prefer the likes of Michael Moore and Cindy Sheehan parading around pointing to you as another reason why America is a horrible country? Or, better yet, those Westboro freaks hanging out at your funeral rejoicing in another example of God “punishing America” because he “hates fags?” Ever hear of sarcasm?
Shoot straight and stay safe.
“If I buy the farm this tour, please don’t act like it isn’t a big deal to anybody.”
I think Jarhead John summed it up pretty well SPC. I have the utmost respect for you and all of our military men and women who fight to protect our country. Every single death is a big deal to me.
We’re simply pointing out the absurdities of those who are attempting to undermine you and make an already dangerous job even more so.
Please be safe.
George Bush has now murdered 10 times the number of people who are eaten alive in an average decade by the Spotted Siberian Tiger.
You’re not trivializing the combat deaths of Americans. You’re merely making a joke out of the fact that the number of Americans killed in Iraq is somewhat greater than the most rare and exotic cause of death you could think of. Big difference.
Buckley my good man! Good to see you were still able to churn out great material while I was gone!
I appreciate your sacrifice and I’m proud of what you’ve accomplsihed, SPC Shayne, but all due respect didn’t you know what you were getting in for when you signed up? Our troops in Iraq have a job to do and yes, it is “nit picking” when every new announcement about casualty counts distracts from that job.
I am in complete agreement with jargead john, potfry etc. ….. symapthy with the soldiers is fine to a point but when it gets to the Michael Moore, Cindy Sheehan point of detracting from the mission, it is time to bit the bullet and accept that some AMERICAN lives have to be sacrificed to win.
Potfry:
Re: your email to SPC Mitchell.
Word to the wise: If you have to explain your ’satire’ then it’s not very good satire.
Read some Swift, Mark Twain or even The Onion. Take notes. You’ll find that skillful satirists rarely have to explain themselves.
To SPC Mitchell: Thanks for your service and sacrifice. I’m sorry that you have to go back to Iraq for a second tour. One should have been plenty. Please return safely.
“didn’t you know what you were getting in for when you signed up?”
Good point. When you join the military you have to expect that sometimes you’re going to get sent on what is maybe not the best-conceived mission in the world, and yes, you may get blown up, and yes, those of us sitting comfortably at home may make jokes comparing the magnitude of your sacrifice to the number of people killed by an animal we made-up. That’s all part of the deal as we understand it.
Glad to hear from you Xeno. Don’t be a stranger.
Death Toll Calculator
New! From ROPCO! The The New Pocket Casualty Counter From The Associated Press!
Are you freakishly obsessed with the daily casualty count in Iraq? Do you find yourself disappointed when a day or two goes by and no American soldiers die? Have you ever bee
Spc. Dustin R. Donica, 22, of Spring, Texas, was killed Thursday by small arms fire in Baghdad, the Defense Department said. Donica was assigned to the 3rd Battalion, 509th Parachute Infantry Regiment, 4th Airborne Brigade Combat Team, 25th Infantry Division.
Number 3000.
This isn’t funny.
Michael: No, it isn’t. But thank God we got self-righteous types like you to point out what’s obvious to the rest of us.
Like the rest of the raving moonbats posting here, you miss the point. But I think you’ve probably been doing that for a very long time.
Most military folks I’ve talked to see this as funny. They get that these guys are trying to say, “Stop undermining the soldiers.” Why is it that you nubs want to see it different? Or is it that maybe you think the soldiers are just too dumb (like John Kerry) to really understand satire and figure you can twist it, like you do most stuff?
Must-Visit Link O The Day
The Nose On Your Face (TNOYF) has todays must-read.
Dont be drinking milk near your monitor when you read it! I warned ya!
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