Fox News personality Greta Van Sustern died from what doctors are calling a “cranial fulmination” yesterday after a cruel hoax went horribly wrong. A spokesman for Van Sustern explains.

“I received a phone call from what seemed to be a very nice couple last night who said they had a hot news tip,” explained On The Record producer Jason Teague. “They identified themselves as the Dover’s; Ben and Eileen. The story they told was so pure, so wonderful that I should have seen it as a hoax. When I told Greta the details she began to tremble, her eyes opened very wide and she whispered ‘Oh dear lord. The prophecy has come true.’ Then she was… she was… gone.”

And what a story they told.

The couple claimed that they were calling from Michael Jackson’s Aruba-themed “Top Secret Toddler Slumber Party Extravaganza” which was being held just outside New Orleans where they were witnessing a hurricane rampaging through black neighborhoods while skipping over white areas as HIV positive sharks drove SUV’s through the flooded streets stopping only to eat the bodies of children who had been murdered after a local beauty pageant (where OJ Simpson and Robert Blake sprayed the crowd with Super Soaker’s loaded with the bird flu virus) and Whitney Houston was making love to Osama Bin Laden in the balcony.

Law enforcement officials have simultaneously debunked the Dover’s tale and launched a nationwide manhunt for the couple, but that comes as small comfort for Van Sustern’s former producer and friend.

“It was a rookie mistake on my part,” stated a visibly upset Teague. “And it cost Greta her life.”

Thanks to: Stop The ACLU, Pirate’s Cove

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