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Iraq Death Toll Will Soon Equal Total of Bubonic Plague Minus Irish Potato Famine

Historical_2 With the news that the war death toll in Iraq now equals the death toll from the 9/11 attacks came a warning that the next military death in the war will be of even more statistical significance.

“We’ve been dreading this next threshold,” said AP Reporter Jon Wussman, who has created computer formulas to determine the statistical significance of each death in Iraq so that he can create alarming headlines.  “I couldn’t sleep last night knowing it was coming.  But it’s coming.  We’ll have to find a way to deal.  The next death will be equal to the difference between the total number of dead from the Black Death, or Bubonic Plague, of the 14th century and the Irish Potato Famine of 1845-1849.”

“It’s statistics like these that bring home the true cost of the War in Iraq,” continued Wussman.  “It makes it hard for the government to trivialize human life when we put it in this staggering historical context.”

When asked what milestones were ahead, Wussman shivered.

“I can’t really tell you– that would ruin the headline.  But think Titanic, Pompeii and some square roots.”  

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This entry was posted on Saturday, September 23rd, 2006 at 3:39 pm and is filed under Satire. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

Comments

4 Responses to “Iraq Death Toll Will Soon Equal Total of Bubonic Plague Minus Irish Potato Famine”

  1. Norman Chandler on September 24th, 2006 8:56 am

    How about the pre-war IRAQ TOLL OF close to a million and counting ( as the kids starve because of the corrupt OIL FOR FOOD PROGRAM ) ?

    Does that count ?

  2. spurwing plover on September 24th, 2006 2:24 pm

    What about all those who died from the spanish flu and small pox as well as on the TITANIC and LUSITANIA and from drunk drivers?

  3. spurwing plover on September 25th, 2006 2:49 pm

    I think i might have BIRD FLU darn ii ffeeell sttrrraannggee iimmm ggrroowwiinnggg fffeeeeaattthhheeerrrssss aaannddd iimmm ggeeetttiinnnggg aaa bbbeeeaaakkkkk aanndd wwwiiinngggsss ii wwaannnttt tttooo ffflllyyy sssooouuuttthhh SQUWAK SQUAWK

  4. Spooky Pete on October 3rd, 2006 10:55 am

    Hey this death toll thing is set to give Death a bad name and thats bad. When ya dead it aint worth living no mo.

    If you throw in the Black Hole of Calcutta as a variable things improve a tad.

    Pete





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