Frey Says He Could Kick Leif Garrett’s Ass, Steal His Dope

With Leif Garrett’s most recent drug bust and ghastly mug shot dominating the national news, A Frey Million Little Pieces author James Frey has come out swinging, saying that the former teen heartthrob does not truly understand pain and misery the way Frey does.

“God, I wish Leif Garrett would quit whining about his pathetic little heroin problem,” said Frey. “Big deal. Everyone who read my book knows that in addition to heroin, I was smoking crack, chewing lead paint chips, and drinking a half gallon of Drano every day. And I could still kick ass, when I wasn’t sky-diving.”

Frey, in fact, said that he’d have no problem dealing with a “washed up heartthrob” like Garrett and then “stealing his dope. I’d beat him with a rolled up copy of Tiger Beat and then leave a special Leif_1 Frey-tattoo on him so he’d always remember he was my bitch.”

Frey also felt that Garrett’s mugshot wasn’t really that bad.

“Garrett’s mug shot is a prom picture compared to what I looked like after the cops beat me. There aren’t any pictures because they were crying so hard after seeing the damage they had done. I was trying to console them while my brains were leaking out of my ears.”

Frey clearly felt that the outpouring of compassion for Garrett was undeserved.

“I don’t know about you, but he doesn’t strike me as a guy who could handle a double root canal without anesthesia.”

Editor’s Note: This post was written by TNOYF’s Senior Correspondent Robert Potfry. Be sure to visit Robert’s own site for more of his outstanding work.

Technorati tags: Humor, Satire, James Frey, A Million Little Pieces, Leif Garrett

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This entry was posted on Saturday, January 21st, 2006 at 9:31 am and is filed under Correspondent columns, Satire. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

Comments

3 Responses to “Frey Says He Could Kick Leif Garrett’s Ass, Steal His Dope”

  1. spurwing plover on January 23rd, 2006 10:13 am

    Looks like another one time great person has gone to pot what a waste

  2. Frey Sucks on January 24th, 2006 10:11 pm

    Frey ,
    You are a real proffesional with your comments about Leif .Not everyone is like you , so shut your damn mouth .Your a lying fake anyway .
    You disgust me with your egotistical bullshit !

  3. Me By God on January 31st, 2006 5:47 pm

    Frey You obviously have not spent ANY HARD CORE street time or you would NEVER make such statements as “I could kick his ass and steal his dope” Number one, a sick junkie would be either dead or shooting, snorting, chasing the stuff up as fast as he could get around a half way safe corner. When I used to be sick as all hell and had lost my business, I wish like hell you would have tryed that shit on me. You would have got me once while in a sick withdrawal state, but soon as I was straight, you and I and any other of thousands of people caught in the same terrible trap of heroin would have done to you unspeakable things to someone who took advantage of a person when they are down. Plus, if you had done all you say, Your writing skills would be diminished somewhat, Speaking hypotheticly you slime.





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