Today we are pleased to present perhaps our biggest interview yet. Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. President Ahmadinejad is fast becoming known as a major player on the world stage. His strong anti-American stance combined with his hatred of the Jewish people is earning him accolades throughout both Europe and the Democratic Party.

Without further ado we present the interview:

TNOYF: President Ahmadinejad thank you so much for taking the time to meet with us. We know you are a very busy man.

MA: Aardvarks possess an extra set of lips.

TNOYF: Excuse me?

MA: Periwinkle.

TNOYF: What?

MA: Sorry, I do that sometimes.

TNOYF: I see. Okay, first question. What are three things that people would be surprised to learn about you?

MA: Three things, huh? Let’s see. I enjoy scrap-booking. I would much rather wang chung tonight than have fun tonight. And I was originally slated to play the role of “Balki” on the 1980’s sitcom Perfect Strangers. I have neither forgiven nor forgotten that dolt Bronson Pinchot’s underhanded, double-dealings. He will be made to pay.

TNOYF: Balki, huh? Yeah I can see that. President Ahmadinejad, you have a well-documented animosity towards both Israel and the Jewish people. What is the root of these feelings?

MA: I had a horrendous experience with some gefilte fish when I was just a boy. It was overcooked. Rubbery. I swore from that day forth that the Jews would never have a moment of peace as long as I had anything to say about it.

TNOYF: Are you being serious?

MA: Gotcha! How foolish. No, of course it wasn’t over something as trivial as gefilte fish. What manner of person do you believe me to be? To bring the world to the brink of nuclear war for gefilte fish?

TNOYF: Ho, ho. You had me for a…

MA: It was a rancid cheese blintz that ignited within me an eternal hatred of the wretched Jews.

TNOYF: That could do it I suppose. I’d like to play a little word association game with you now. I’ll say a word or words and you say the first thing that comes to your mind, okay?

MA: I will play along. For a while.

TNOYF: Terrorism.

MA: Apple strudel.

TNOYF: Nuclear weapons.

MA: Elbow pads.

TNOYF: Israel.

MA: Pronouns.

TNOYF: Quite interesting answers.

MA: A hexagon.

TNOYF: Oh I’m sorry President Ahmadinejad, we’re done with the word association game.

MA: I know.

TNOYF: I see. Last question, did you see the season premier of “24” last night and if so, what did you think of it?

MA: Of course I watched it. What do I think? I think this Jack Bauer is a formidable foe. He will have to be dealt with before my dreams of world conquest can be realized.

TNOYF: You know it’s just a television… Never mind. Any last words before we end the interview?

MA: Yes. Flugenschniffer, oxidation and bacon.

TNOYF: Powerful words. Thank you for your time sir.

MA: My pleasure.