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Retro-Nose: Sir Richard Of Durbin…
Editors note: This one of our favorite postings from our early days that never made it in front of as many eyeballs as we would have liked. We hope you enjoy it!
In the whole of the world there is none more speech frantic
Than Sir Richard of Durbin, Crown Prince of Bad Antics
From his perch high atop the United States Senate
Sir Richard screamed “foul” and then said that he meant it.
“Stalin and Hitler and also Pol Pot
Bad men I concur, but not compared to this lot
For Bush and his Gulag have surpassed them all
How? Take a seat and relax and let me recall.”
Sir Richard leaned forward and commenced his tale
It was how do you say… oh yes… quite a whale.
“The temperature’s cold no wait now it’s hot
Is this how we treat our fellow humans? It’s not.
And long before Thermometergate charges were filed
Came the news that the holy Q’aran was defiled.
Oh the horror, the shame, the cries for your mommy!
To place the Holiest of Books in a fecal tsunami!
But wait, that’s not all, not by shots short nor long
These Army devils keep playing the most vile of songs!
This form of torture is too cruel to consider
Nastier still than the Doo-daddle-diddler!
Brittney Spears, Celine Dion and Manilow too
These poor fellows can’t take it, quite frankly, could you?
Sir Richard sat back with a grin ‘cross his face
He could tell by their looks they had bought this disgrace.
He imagined what came next for Sir Richard of Durbin
Perhaps he’d trade his Cubs cap for a turban?
Satisfied he was achieving what he thunked that he would
The Crown Prince continued, he was feeling quite good.
“Who among us can wonder what response this elicits?
Their religion is peaceful, but does have it’s limits.
The blame for the bombs, fires and decapitations
Lies squarely at the feet of this administration.
You are a bad man you George Double-U
Not only I think it, but Michael Moore too.
Hollywood, France and Vermont are concurrers
Penn, Depp and Couric add their names to the slurrers .
With microphones poised and lots of low aiming
The MSM reporters kept the fires a-flaming.
“Sir Richard,” one asked,” if I may be so bold
How do you know it is true what you’ve told?”
Sir Richard lit up right before them all
And prepared to thwack this question softball.
My dear friend what a terr-if-ic question
I was just about to go in that direction!
The reason I know that my words are so true?
I was told so by Muhammad al Khalid bin Soo
A nice Arab student who wrote me from Gitmo
He told me it’s true, and that makes it so.
Satisfied with the answer and with no follow-up
The reporters nodded as one and said “yep”.
At that point Good Sir Richard began his big ending
The crowd was all ears for the message he was sending.
“If you listen at night you can just hear the squeals
From Muslims being served culturally insensitive meals
Is that what we’ve become in the U.S. today?
By Fidel Castro’s beard, the answer is ‘nay’!
Not as long as my liberal-moonbatty brethren
Can still manage to manipulate public opinion!
He hornswaggled and spun, he raved and he ranted
The hippies held poorly spelled signs and they chanted.
But something was different, quite different this time
I noticed it just past a glassy-eyed mime.
A group of young people with laptops a-glowing
Were speaking to each other with info a-flowing.
They weren’t joining in with Sir Richard’s Bush-floggers
Their facts came from some people called bloggers.
Right Wing News, Michelle Malkin & Captain’s 1/4’s
Dispensed stories with truth, they weren’t following orders.
The Mudville Gazette and Ace of Spades blog
Had all had enough of this Bush-bashing nob.
It became crystal clear there was a turn in the tide
Mindless drivel was something they wouldn’t abide.
Despite all the help from the alphabet networks
Despite ignorant screams of “killer” and “jerks”
Sir Richard, Patron Saint of Islamic fundies
Was roundly pimp-slapped by infidels in their undies.
History will recall him as a left-wing disgrace
And that is as plain as The Nose On Your Face.
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