Former President Bill Clinton has urged Israeli citizens to “not overreact” to comments made by Iran’s newly elected president, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. During the “World Without Zionism” conference in late October, Ahmadinejad told attendees that Israel is a “disgraceful blot” in the Middle East and that it deserved to be “wiped off the map.” 

“Truth be told, he didn’t mean anything by those statements,” said a spokesman for the cool and measured President of the World. “No need to have a nosebleed about it.”

Throughout the ages the Clinton family has taken a decidedly non-reactionary approach to potentially threatening situations with mixed results.

Some historical examples include:

• “Yon lions have neither the hunger nor the propensity to attack if left unprovoked.” - Clintonus Erectus, Roman Empire era statesman speaking to a group of Christians before they entered the Coliseum.
• “Nahh, Tupac. That whole ‘East Coast-West Coast Rap War’ junk ain’t even no thang. That’s just the white man playin’ with our heads. Now you go on out and have a good time.” - Bill “Pelvis Loco” Clinton to the late rapper Tupac Shakur.
• “Is she seaworthy? My friends not only is she seaworthy this little beauty is the ship that made the Kessell run in less than twelve parsecs!” - Rutger D. Clinton, famed “Travel Agent To The Titanic” to a group of perspective passengers.    
• “Your Generals don’t know what they’re talking about. A land war in Asia is a terrific idea!” - Thierry Clinton, adviser to Napoleon.
• “Those Earp’s ain’t spolin’ for a fight with you. You’re the Clanton brothers for God’s sake!Besides, it’s called the ‘OK Corral’, what could be more of a good omen? You boys git on down there now. Git I say.” - Josiah “The Snake” Clinton, Tombstone, Arizona politician.

In other news, the riots on Sesame Street have entered their second week as tens of unassimilated North African puppets continue to burn letters and destroy stockpiles of self-esteem.

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