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A chlamydia outbreak among penguins at the San Francisco Zoo has left a dozen of the flightless birds dead and countless others urinating with great discomfort.  Officials first became aware that the venereal disease had struck shortly after on-site filming of the popular FOX TV show “The Simple Life” wrapped up at the zoo. 

Zoo officials tell us that they have reason to suspect that Paris Hilton, one of the shows stars, may have something to do with the spread of the disease. 

“Ms. Hilton was in fact at the San Francisco Zoo shortly before the first case of chlamydia was reported,” stated a zoo spokesman. “We thought it a bit odd at the time that she wanted to stay in the Arctic Exhibit, but we wrote that off as a celebrity eccentricity. Like the time Gary Busey asked if he could hire our red ruffed lemur to be a lifeguard at a pool party he was having. That sort of thing.”

Several of the penguins questioned by the police were able to identify a mole on the hotel heiress’s left thigh. Further adding to authorities suspicions was the recent discovery of a diamond studded thong with the initials “PH” monogrammed on the front.

A police spokesman tells us that the thong was swabbed for DNA and is currently being tested by forensic specialists.

If you suspect that a penguin you know has had sexual contact with Paris Hilton, please contact your local health clinic and police officials.

Thanks to:

Stop the ACLU

California Conservative.

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