Cindy Sheehan’s statement today that “the Universe chose her to be the spark that set off the raging inferno” was met with wholesale denials by Universe brass, who believe that Ms. Sheehan has confused the eternal, spatial entity with her mentor, film producer Michael Moore.

“Once again, Michael Moore has convinced a naïve impressionable person that he is the Universe,” said Universe spokesman, Rsdv Nbgt, whose name is un-pronounceable to humans because it lacks vowels. “We’ve tried to talk to Mr. Moore about this before. Every once in a while, we get wind of some freaky liberal nut running around saying that “Mr. Moore is my universe”. Frankly, we’re tired of it. We find the comparison to be less than flattering.”

Mr. Nbgt was clearly short of patience during the press conference, and fired back when asked if the Universe had any interest in the outcome of the Crawford protest.

“Let me see. Should I concern myself with the black hole that’s about to suck an entire galaxy into another dimension, or a bunch of hippies living in tents and singing crappy old folk songs? Should I extinguish the planetary nebula in globular Cluster 4 before they melt reality, or sit around with a bunch of philosophical poseurs who badly need a shower? Really– you tell me. What do you think I should do?”

Further complicating this public relations crisis, the local fire marshal categorically denied that the Crawford protest was a “raging inferno.”

“Inferno, my ass,” said Captain Frank Richards of the Crawford Fire Department. “I’ve seen bigger flames at the Cub Scout Weenie Roast. That Sheehan woman clearly watches too much TV.”

The Sheehan camp went into spin control.

“Cindy Sheehan was jet-lagged today when she arrived,” said spokeswoman Kathy Schneider. “She was emotional, and made some statements that could be mis-interpreted. We’ve contacted the Universe and apologized. They’ve asked us to issue a retraction, which follows: Cindy Sheehan regrets her mis-statement this afternoon. What she intended to say was this: “I am thrilled that I’ve been able to spark some dissent in the United States. Fahrenheit 9-11 is available on DVD at a fine store near you.”

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