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UN Votes to Make Turkey an Imaginary Country until Armenian Genocide is Recognized
As the Turkish government continues its prosecution of famed novelist Orhan Pamuk on charges he “denigrated the Turkish national identity” by saying that the Armenian genocide of World War I did indeed happen, the UN has decided to investigate Turkish History and determine if, in fact, there is truly a country named Turkey.
“Until we get some real evidence, the so-called country named Turkey will receive imaginary country status within the UN,” said Kofi Annan, UN Secretary General. “As an imaginary country, they are welcome to attend our UN sessions, but no one really needs to listen to them.”
The new status for Turkey took effect quickly. During an afternoon general assembly on the topic of peace in the Mideast, the Turkish ambassador took the floor and offered Turkey’s perspective on the situation. Many of the UN representatives began gobbling, preening, and scuffling around their desk. Once the bewildered ambassador finished and took his seat, the Israeli representative took the microphone.
“I’m sorry, did someone say something?” he asked.
Muttering filled the room over the protests of the Turkish representative.
“I heard a lot of wind,” responded the Lebanese representative. “There must be a storm outside.”
“Perhaps,” responded the Israeli. “But to me, it sounded more like a gobbling sound. Like a large, flightless, feathered bird.”
“Yes!” said the Russian ambassador. “That’s it! I heard it. But it was indecipherable.”
“I guess we should move on.”
Later in the day, at a reception for some Asian dignitaries visiting the UN, many representatives arrived adorned with fake wattles—the fleshy piece that dangles from a turkey’s neck. There was a moment of embarrassment as the Turkish ambassador frantically scurried around the room, trying to remove the wattles and demanding that his colleagues listen to him.
An investigatory committee has been formed to produce evidence of Turkey’s history and existence.
“It’s really quite simple,” said Kofi Annan. “If the Armenian Genocide did not happen, then there’s a strong likelihood that Turkey never happened. We’re going to use the same level of investigatory diligence and scholarship that Turkey has used in investigating the Armenian genocide, and find out if we’ve had an imposter in the UN all these years. If what we suspect is true, we believe that there’s a huge land mass in the middle east that’s for sale. Israel is apparently very interested.”
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When i read this, I see more contempt than anything else. Contempt of a nation brings the contempt of its’ inhabitants, contempts of a people brings (or IS) racism.
I think you are following a dangerous path.
I have contempt for irresponsible, self-serving denial. I have contempt for those who tell me that irrefutable evidence is refutable. The last stage of genocide is denial.
But most interesting is the sinister tone of your post. “Dangerous?” Perhaps that’s how it felt in Turkey in 1915.
hello
your story is very funny but in the same time you draw everybodys attention on the concrete reality of the armenian question.
Thank you. That is the intent. I believe that Turkey’s refusal to acknowledge the Armenian genocide is one of the more frightening situations in the world today.
It’s not the on the same scale as the Jewish Holocuast whether one likes it or not. Almost all Jews were innocent.
I’m publishing the above post only because it’s so frighteningly stupid.
What’s “dangerous” is is the reaction of partisans of a point of view with a threat, rather than dialogue. Threats solve nothing. Dialogue creates ideas, options — and solutions.
Why is it that every post defending Turkey is from an anonymous poster? Step up and identify yourselves. Don’t hide behind anonymity, as many Turks did in 1915.
As long as Turks think there is some sort of middle ground on this topic- as if any sane human being would debate the reality of the Armenian genocide– there will be ridicule, and certainly mocking satire in this column. I condemn everyone who defends the Turk’s denial of the genocide. I consider you enemies of humanity.