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Republicans Hint that Self-Immolation Would be More Effective than Anti-War Hunger Strikes
With a host of activists and celebrities planning “open-ended” hunger strikes this Fourth of July Weekend, Republicans have publicly scoffed at the maneuver as “rookie stuff” and quietly suggested that the anti-war movement should elevate their game if they really want results.
“Yeah, the notion of Cindy Sheehan and Sean Penn going hungry for a couple days really has us up nights,” said one Bush staffer derisively. “These guys have really got to step it up if they want to be taken seriously. They need to draw on the heritage of their 1960s anti-war predecessors. I’m pretty sure that if the bunch of them set themselves on fire, we’d take notice.”
Self-Immolation has been practiced as a means of protest throughout history, but was most common during the Vietnam War, when several Buddhist monks and American citizens burned themselves to death.
“If Cindy Sheehan, Susan Sarandon, Sean Penn and Danny Glover were all simultaneously lit up like torches, we’d probably have the troops home in a couple weeks,” continued the staffer. “I mean, I can’t promise anything, but that sort of…demonstration of commitment…might get us to realize the error of our ways. Hell, if you threw in Barbra Streisand, we might roll back the tax cuts.”
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- White Castle Stock Plummets on News that Cindy Sheehan will Start Hunger Strike
hmmm…an “un-named” and un-confirmed bush staffer….
throw in Murtha, Hillary, and that fat chick from the pixy-dixy chicks and I will supply all the starter fluid on the gulf coast, oh, and some good dried mesquite wood for measure…
There could, afterwards, be a huge market for candles molded in their forms. I want some stock in that company.
Lets not get carried away. If Cindy (of the Y) merely shaved her head, became a Buddhist nun, meditated for 10 years in Tibet (under benevolent Chinese guard), then self-immolated - then THAT would impress (Mr) Dubya.
aww come on! we need to make it big! get all of them into downtown San Francisco and napalm them!
And lunatic on the fringe…why NOT the other two Dixie Chicktwits?
I happen to think they’re all deserving.
I second all the suggestions and hope they have enough lighter fluid for Hanoi John, remember now he’s really full of sh** and it will take several gallons just for him, don’t want to end up with a partial burn.
Lets not forget good ole Micheal Moore! Pry that hamburger out of his mouth and put an apple in there before you light the match!!