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Potfry Leftovers…
Hugo Chavez in Hiding As Women’s Prayer Group Vows to Carry Out Pat Robertson’s Assassination Decree
Security around Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez has been beefed up in recent days, as authorities have learned that he is the target of a gang of blue-haired Nebraskan women who have arrived in Venezuela to carry out the orders of evangelist Pat Robertson. Chavez is currently hiding out at at an undisclosed location, while the Lincoln Nebraska chapter of the Sunday Morning Sisters (SMS) is apparently roaming the Venezuelan mountains, planning their strike.
Authorities are just now piecing together the details of the Nebraska SMS group, who all went missing last Tuesday shortly after Robertson’s suggestion that the United States should assassinate the Venezuelan president. They believe the ring leader is Dorothy “the Rosary Queen” Figgins, who hosted bi-weekly prayer meetings of the group in her Lincoln, Nebraska living room and was a devoted member of Robertson’s 700 Club. Figgins was renowned in the community for her fire and brimstone diatribes against “heathen sinners,” as well as her rhubarb pie, which took home a blue ribbon at the Nebraska State Fair in 2005.
According to SMS members who did not make the journey to Venezuela due to Bingo commitments, the core members of SMS were gathered in Figgins’ home watching the 700 club when Robertson issued his decree.
“We all felt that if it wasn’t the exact Word of God, it was pretty darn close,” said Helen Johnson. “As soon as we could get everyone up off the sofa, we sprang into action. Unfortunately Mildred Arnold sprained her hip, so we decided to nap for a bit before trying again. We were going to do God’s work, and bag us some Venezuelan Heathen Ass!”
Police are desperately trying to track the group’s path. Their first break came when a Chevy Van belonging to group member Mayrose Nelson was ticketed for driving too slow on Interstate 50 in Texas. FBI and CIA agents descended on the area, and learned from eyewitnesses that a camouflage-clad group of old women had stopped at a Denny’s near Waco for an early bird special. The trail grew cold from there, and authorities notified Mexican police to be on the look out for group, presumed to be armed and dangerous.
- Women’s Prayer Group Vows to Carry Out Pat Robertson’s Decree
- Retro-Nose: Women’s Prayer Group Vows to Carry Out Pat Robertson’s Decree Against Hugo Chavez
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Excellent insight Potfry
My network of agents report that this crack team of cakemakers have anticipated Delta Force’s very next move. I understand the Delta boys are wery wery sad and comin home.
Update: a bulk purchase of pacemakers in an outlying suburb of Caracas has revived the trail.
It was a good concept, but old people aren’t a crazy enough group to get much laughs out of. If you had focused more on the religious aspect, that would have made for a funnier caricature I think, because the basis is more extreme and funny to make fun of.
On a related note, I’d appreciate if you could tell me what you think of my latest quip of the day, Osama and Coffee. It’s about the global jihad’s new target.
Cheers,
lecentre
p.s. Jesus rules, Mohammed Drools, and caricature parachutes was funny stuff!
Is that Hugo? Floating in the punch bowl? Nice to see he gets plenty of fiber. Otherwise he would sink.