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Potfry Leftovers
Video Shows that Cheney Wanted to Euthanize Hunter he Accidentally Shot
A video made of this weekend’s hunting trip in which Vice President Dick Cheney shot fellow hunter Harry Whittington shows the ever-practical Vice President felt the best course of action would be to euthanize his 78 year old fellow hunter.
The tape was shot by a VP staffer who records all of Cheney’s hunting trips. The video is edited into a compilation reel called “When Dick Strikes,” which the Vice President likes to show at family Christmas gatherings.
The footage is a bit shaky, but it clearly shows the thought process that went on after Whittington folded into the snow.
“Holy shit, Harry’s down!” shouts a hunter.
“That’s my kill, asshole,” replies Cheney, ramming the butt of his rifle into the jaw of the hunter.
As the hunters converge on the spot where Whittington’s blood is beginning to darken the snow, the camera is dropped to the ground, providing a sideways view of the action. Cheney launches into a tirade.
“Fucking A, Harry, what the hell are you doing between me and a quail? How many god damn times do we have to go over the rules?”
“Arrrgh,” replies Whittington.
“What the fuck is ‘arrrgh?’ Can someone please suction the blood out of his mouth and put his teeth back in so I can hear his pathetic excuse? I had a clear shot, and now all that buckshot is buried in your old ass. I’m going to pry it out with my teeth.”
“Mr. Vice President, we should really radio in for an ambulance,” says a staffer.
“Yessss…hurts…” says Whittington trying to rise up on an elbow.
“Quit yer whining,” says Cheney, kicking the old man’s elbow out from under him. “You’re going nowhere.”
“Mr. Vice President?” asks the staffer.
“Look, Harry, I feel bad about this, but it might just be that sausage McMuffin repeating on me. But either way, you’re freaking ancient, and now you’re a freaking ancient problem. I think this might be a great place for you to call it a day, old pal. What better way to go then out here hunting.’”
“Arrgh?” says Whittington.
“Yep, out here in nature, Harry. Letting life slowly drain out of you while you watch the sun set. Ain’t nothing better, old hoss.”
“ARRRRGH!” says Whittington, looking wildly at the VP’s staffer.
“Uh, Mr. Vice President, I really don’t recommend that,” says the staffer.
“I know, feeblepuss,” replies Cheney. “You know, Harry here is feeble cause he’s older than dirt, you’re feeble cause you were born that way. I might have enough buckshot for the both of you. Uh, Harry, do you really think you can crawl away from me?”
At that point, a chopper is heard over head, and the dialogue is garbled.
The Vice President’s office said that the tape is genuine, and that copies will be made available for the public.
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You don’t hunt quail with buckshot. If Cheney had been using buckshot, the guy wouldn’t have any face left, and it wouldn’t matter how old he was.
Thanks, J.D., but the job of fact-checker is taken.
Hope Whittington has paid for the wasted buckshot!
Damn. Well, you oughta fire that guy.
You don’t hunt quail with buckshot.
That’s not true, Pot. Ignore him. I’ve got a CBS News memo that says you do indeed hunt quail with buckshot.
Actually, it depends on whether you want to *eat* quail or just kill the little bastards. Use buckshot, no need to clean them.