Scientists using new software to analyze Neil Armstrong’s famous “giant leap for mankind” moon quote have resolved many years of debate by determining that the famed astronaut did, in fact, use the grammatically proper “small step for a man” phrasing.

In addition, the new software has picked up some previously unheard commentary from Armstrong that will only add more drama and texture to the history of the moon walk.

“Who’s f#!*ing idea was this?” asks a clearly contemplative Armstrong about a half an hour before the moon walk.  “I want out, NOW. I’m not going out there.  Tell f+$#ing Houston that if they want someone out there they can come the !/*# up here and take a little stroll on the %$#!ing moon themselves.  F!$#?ing ass&$!?s.”

Armstrong goes on to consider the magnitude of his place in history.

“I don’t give a flying !#%! about being the first man to walk on the !%#!ing moon. Tell Mission Director Kranz I hereby invite him to be the first man to +%$@ on my +!#*.

And there’s new descriptive commentary from a breathless Armstrong about the moon landscape.

“News flash, you pencil-pushing rocket geeks.  The moon is cold and gray and it looks like the parking lot at %$%#ing Wal-Mart.  Oh, look, I think I see a shopping cart.  Now get me the *#$! out of here, pronto.”

We then hear the unmistakable sound of Armstrong breaking wind, a touch of human reality on a history-making day. 

“OH GREAT,” says the spaceman.  “It would have been nice if you !+*#ers in Houston had thought to design these airtight spacesuits with some sort of exhaust system.  You feed us SPAM in a tube and then we have to sit in our own +$#!ing aroma for three +!#$ing days.  Brilliant.  Ass+&!#s.”

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