It was only a matter of time.

History has shown that wholesale panic on the part of the Yankee front office tends to follows wholesale panic on the part of Yankee fans by a couple weeks, so today’s fresh rumors of Roger Clemens’ possible return to New York are right on schedule. When paired with the call-up of farmhand Robinson Cano, ostensibly to play second base as Tony Womack shifts to left field, but more likely a showcase for Astros’ management, it certainly seems that the Yankees’ internal management might be stirring.

And away we go. The Yankees have seen enough, after 26 games, roughly 5 starts per pitcher. The return on investment simply isn’t there, and the shareholders are demanding dividends. Johnson’s serving up gopher balls at an alarming rate. Mussina is struggling with consistency, location, and, some think, attitude. Brown, despite making progress with his back, still looks like he’s got thumbtacks in his jockstrap when he throws. What about the new guys? So far, Pavano talks like a Yankee but throws like a Blue Jay. And Wright, the guy who used to annoy the Yankees from the Cleveland Indians’ dugout, now does it from the Yankee trainers’ room.

It may be that we are seeing the very best that the current Yankee staff can give us. If this is true, it will simply be a horrid year of baseball in the Bronx, and the 2005 Yankees will be nothing more than further validation of the law of diminishing returns. And outside the Bronx, baseball fans will gloat with a joy not seen since the Wicked Witch of the West melted at Dorothy’s feet.

So what’s a panic-stricken franchise to do? Scan the box scores. Find out who the best pitcher in baseball is, right now. Now, make an offer. No takers? Rinse and repeat.

There seems to be plenty of willingness to forget that Roger Clemens retired a Yankee and re-emerged an Astro, but it’s not shared here. I tolerated Clemens when he was a Yankee, but in the final analysis, he’s a phenomenal pitcher and a greedy, eccentric man. All of his children have names that begin with K. Do I have to say anymore? I do not think that Roger Clemens will be nearly as good a pitcher in New York as he currently is in Houston.

There’s a second facet to this unfolding story that I find equally disturbing: short of Derek Jeter and maybe Hideki Matsui, the Yankees have absolutely nothing to offer Houston. Zero. So how does this deal get done? Because Roger wants it, and Houston will grow tired of his complaining as they fall further in the standings. Clemens will mandate that he be traded only to New York and, viola: the Yankees can have him for Robinson Cano and some autographed Derek Jeter game uniforms. Not to Baltimore, where Clemens might be the difference between a wild card and a long winter. Not to the Cubs, who just lost Kerry Wood for half the season. Only to the Yankees, where they can’t see the forest for the trees, where they don’t realize they are becoming experts in the art of subtraction by addition. Because Roger and George want it that way.

Many will argue that this is unfair, and they will be right. But I don’t think they need to worry so much. Because unless the Yankees realize that they must let the current team play under Joe Torre into June to have a chance to gel and win, they will fail. Roger Clemens will not make a difference.

The Yankees need to dance with the girl they brought to the prom.

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