(UPI) In an unprecedented move, the Federal Government has decided to detain and register any Americans who believe Barry Bonds never knowingly used steroids.
“We’ve never seen mass delusion on this scale,” said Government Agent Fred Smith. “When people are this gullible, it’s dangerous for our country.”
The government has posted a hotline- 1-800-BIGLIAR, and a website, BIGLIAR.COM, where Americans can anonymously report a Bonds Believer, without fear of repercussion.
“We need to monitor these people,” Smith continued. “They are the type who buy wrist watches off the street and vacation homes in the Caribbean without seeing them first. They hurt our economy.”
Bonds Believers are restrained and taken into custody. They are finger printed, and then subjected to a battery of mental tests. They are then tagged and released.
Is there hope for them?
“Hard to say,” said Smith. “I don’t know if rehabilitation is possible. Some of them are so far gone– they just are so smitten with the guy that they’d believe anything he says. They don’t even know what they are saying half the time.”

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