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Willie Nelson To Lose His Cowboy Charter
Country music icon Willie Nelson is apparently caught up in the Brokeback Mountain craze that has been sweeping the nation. First, he appeared on that movies soundtrack singing “He Was A Friend Of Mine“. Next came reports that he and Tom Cruise took a late night stroll on a Malibu beach together wearing nothing but chaps, spurs and expressions of requited love. And now he has released his own single entitled “Cowboys Are Frequently, Secretly (Fond Of Each Other).”
As the evidence that Nelson himself is homosexual continues to mount, we here at The Nose On Your Face have decided to conduct our own investigation into the matter to see if there are other indications that Mr. Nelson is indeed gay and thus in danger of losing his official cowboy status.
As our preliminary findings demonstrate, Nelson’s future as a cowboy is in serious jeopardy. Below are some of the more damning pieces of evidence that we uncovered:
- Keeps large caches of pudding stashed in various locations on his estate.
- A review written by Nelson of the 1959 John Wayne film Rio Bravo, contained the words “hot”, “great bulge” and “sweet-ass” a combined 143 times.
- Has a propensity for wearing Hello Kitty underwear.
- Makes way too many sexual innuendos about “Woody” from Toy Story.
- Insists on being addressed as “The Bundance Kid” by friends.
Be sure to check back for updates.
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Stockpiles of Pudding! Hah! You rock.
Though, I’d have to say, with the entire world becoming one huge mockery of itself, your life as a satirist is severely in danger.
Keep up the good work Mr. Williams!
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