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Top 9 Little Known Facts About Barack Hussein Obama
9. He defecates hope, urinates dreams, perspires justice, expectorates butterfly kisses, and cries tears of racial equality.
8. While his home planet was in the throes of destruction as the result of a thermonuclear chain reaction deep within its unstable uranium core, Obama (nee Bar-El) managed to escape and make it to Earth where he is well on his way to fulfilling his destiny.
7. Admits that getting body art of Jim Jones on his back as a young man showed “a grave error in judgment.” Has since covered it up with a tattoo of David Keresh high-fiving L. Ron Hubbard.
6. While it is widely acknowledged that Denny Terrio taught John Travolta to dance for his role in the iconic film Saturday Night Fever, it is not as commonly known that Terrio learned his art by studying at the feet of one Barack Obama.
5. After doctors removed kidney stones from the senator in 2006, they accidentally dropped them on the operating room floor. Within minutes fifty money trees sprang up, neatly framing the entrance to the newly formed gum-drop swamp and hot fudge waterfall.
4. Feels that those who have dubbed his personal entourage his “posse” are racist and small-minded, noting that he much prefers the terms “apostles” or “disciples.”
3. Contrary to popular belief he does not walk on water. He prefers a light jog.
2. Is second only to Robert Byrd in Senate history for the record of talking for the longest time without actually saying anything.
1. Was actually born Eugene Michael Boyce, but changed his name just to make the 2008 election close.
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Another one: Despite being behind in the polls 70-30, he was able to win his Senate seat only after the Republican challenger became embroiled in a messy/scandalous divorce with his wife who incidentally had been an actress on one of the 34 Star Trek TV series.
Oh know–that is actually true–sorry.
Heh.
9-b. Is hoping Tony Rezko changes into a corpse very soon.
While it may be true that he defecates hope, urinates dreams, and his flatulence keeps the very stars hung in the heavens (Didn’t know that one, huh?), it is what he eats that concerns me…
…Our freedoms.
damn Steve. That’s good. Shiver-inducing stuff.
9-c. He was the most honest man in the Illinois Legislature - which is like having the cleanest underwear in France. PS - I noticed Mark Steyn quoted you in his column today; outstanding! Keep up the good work.
> 9. He defecates hope, urinates dreams, perspires justice, expectorates butterfly kisses, and cries tears of racial equality.
Ah, but do his farts smell as sweet?
Funny!
Too funny! I linked your post, but trackbacks aren’t working for some reason.
I think you guys made a typo or two. Don’t you mean that he “He defecates on hope, urinates on dreams”?
My fellow Identity-Americans: Which technically i am not, nor am i really an African-American.
As your future President I want to thank my supporters, for their … well, support.
Your mindless support of me, despite my complete lack of any legislative achievement, my pastor’s relations with Louis Farrakhan and Libyan dictator Moamar Quadafi, or my blatantly leftist voting record while I present myself as some sort of bi-partisan agent of change.
I also like how my supporters claim my youthful drug use and criminal behavior somehow qualifies me for the Presidency after 8 years of claiming Bush’s youthful drinking disqualifies him. Your hypocrisy is a beacon of hope shining over a sea of political posing.
I would also like to thank the Kennedy’s for coming out in support of me. There’s a lot of glamour behind the Kennedy name, even though JFK started the Vietnam War, had his lover, Marilyn Monroe killed, his brother Robert illegally wiretapped Martin Luther King, Jr. and Teddy killed a female employee he was having an extra marital affair with who was pregnant with his child. And I’m not going anywhere near the cousins, both literally and figuratively.
And I’d like to thank Oprah Winfrey for her support. Her love of meaningless empty platitudes will be the force that propels me to the White House. Her endless donations to Africa and support of my all black church.
Americans should vote for me, not because of my lack of experience or achievement, but because I make people feel good. Voting for me causes some white folk to feel relieved of their imagined, racist guilt, to which us black folks have a good laugh.
I say things that sound meaningful, but don’t really mean anything because Americans are tired of things having meaning. If things have meaning, then that means you have to think about them.
Americans are tired of thinking.
It’s time to shut down the brain, and open up the heart.
So when you go to vote in the primaries, remember don’t think, just do.
And do it for me.
Or i will put a voodoo curse on you!!!!
Thank You.