Tommy Thompson’s Ears The Big Winners At GOP Debate

Political analysts are saying today that among a crowded field of candidates at last night’s Republican presidential debate in South Carolina, two unlikely front-runners came to the fore.

“Mitt Romney was strong and responded to his conflicting positions on abortion quite ably,” tommy-thompson.jpgsaid Dick Morris. “And Governor Giuliani played to his strength which is his tenacity on the War On Terror. However, Thompson’s ears scored huge points from the first wide-angle screen shot of the night and they never looked back.”

Morris continued.

“The first word that came to mind when I looked at Thompson’s auditory appendages was ‘gravitas’. His have it, the other candidates simply do not. They are the sort of ears that fairly cry out ‘Been there. Heard that. Bought the XXXL earmuffs.‘ Very presidential. Very strong. My polls show that women over fifty, and suburban Rhode Island residents in particular are very comfortable with these ears making decisions that will affect their lives for the next four years.”

Although it is unusual for body parts to take center stage in a political campaign, it does occur but with differing effects depending on the person, part, and moment in time.

“Historians agree that more than anything, Abraham Lincoln’s prominent temple carried him to the presidency,” said Morris. “But to be fair, in his era the temple was much more highly regarded. By the same token, Howard Dean’s presidential hopes were dashed by his overly exposed uvula during his now infamous ‘We’ll go to Arizona, and Washington‘ speech in ‘04.” 

Morris went on to say that the race is now Thompson’s to lose.

“Barring some sort of industrial accident or ear reduction surgery, you are looking at the Republican candidate for president. Politics being what it is, you can bet that the other candidates will do their best to imitate Thompson’s success. However, a set of Spock ears, no matter how convincing, is no substitute for the real thing.”   

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, May 16th, 2007 at 9:27 am and is filed under Conservative satire, Politics. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

Comments

2 Responses to “Tommy Thompson’s Ears The Big Winners At GOP Debate”

  1. Conservative Cat on May 17th, 2007 12:47 am

    Wednesday…

    Cox and Forkum: Gas Fumes Don Surber: A Song for Hillary Indexed: Because GIs Have Bills Suldog-O-Rama: A Big Old Pile Of Rants With This Hideously Long Title For No Other Reason Than To See How Much Space One……

  2. The Saloon dot net on May 17th, 2007 6:30 am

    Tommy Thompson’s Ears The Big Winners At GOP Debate…

    “The first word that came to mind when I looked at Thompson’s auditory appendages was ‘gravitas’. His have them, the other ……





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