(February 2, 2005)- In a move that has stunned Republicans nationwide, Howard Dean has been selected as chairman of the Democratic National Committee.

Senator Rick Santorum (R-Pennsylvania), was told the news earlier today. He replied by accidentally spitting milk out of his nose. He then stated, “Oh you’re serious? Wow. I mean of course we were all pulling for him but we’re on the other side. We didn’t think the Democrats would take us seriously. Wow. Wow.” Similar responses were given by each of the Republican Senators who were asked for comment.

On a more somber note, psychiatrists around the country are grappling with a new psychological disorder that the selection of Dean seems to have created. This insidious disease is known only to affect Republicans and is known as G.L.E.E. Apparently it is not an acronym for anything.

Mr. Dean responded by blaming President Bush for the wasting of the aforementioned milk.

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