In a development that has shocked the world, U.S. President George W. Bush stated yesterday that he is in fact a mutant with superhuman abilities and from henceforth would like to be referred to as “Professor W”. President Bush, who revealed his secret upon deplaning from Air Force One, noted that he made the decision to go public with his biological status in an attempt to “strengthen the human-mutant bonds that have been so severely damaged over the past six years by the evil mutant community.”

When his assertion was met with skepticism by members of the press, President Bush used his powers to turn Helen Thomas into a shriveled up old shrew.

“There. You see that?” the President asked rhetorically after completing the relatively minor transformation. “That is only a sample of what my powers can accomplish against the forces of evil and stupidity. Don’t test me.”

RNC Operative DNC Chairman Howard Dean stated he was unimpressed by the President’s claims.

“I am unimpressed by the President’s claims,” stated DNC Chairman Howard Dean. “That Helen Thomas stunt was meaningless. A fourth grader with a Harry Potter magic kit could have pulled it off. If he wants to impress me, he should do something meaningful to unite the country- like naming Ben & Jerry’s our national ice cream.”

Dean declined to comment when he was asked if he was referring to a fourth grader from a public or a parochial school.

Technorati tags: Howard Dean, Bush, Republican, satire, humor, conservative

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