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Scott Beauchamp Killed In Bizarre IED/Armored Vehicle Accident
Scott Beauchamp, the American soldier who penned diaries for The New Republic describing horrifically sadistic, abusive behavior on the part of U.S. soldiers in Iraq only to later recant, was killed today after accidentally detonating a concealed IED outside his barracks. According to eyewitnesses, the horribly disfigured Beauchamp staggered about for a few seconds before being mercifully run down by a Bradley armored vehicle.
“Private Beauchamp, aka Scotty Hemingway, is dead,” said Army investigator Captain Bill Higgins. “In all my years of investigating accidents, I’ve never encountered such an unusual sequence of events. And when you consider that every soldier on the base has come forward and claimed responsibility, you’ve got one tough case.”
The embattled Editor of The New Republic, Franklin Foer, offered a brief statement.
“By providing indisputable evidence of the types of transgressions described in Mr. Beauchamp’s diaries, his death clearly exonerates The New Republic from all charges of editorial carelessness levied by the right wing blogosphere.”
“Oh, and it sucks for Scott and all that stuff.”
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Now this is a man who looks like he should be on one of your recruitment posters below…..just saying.
What an untimely demise.
I am sure that his “diaries” will now skyrocket in value – unless he comes back to life.
In that case Franklin Foer should get out of town in his Bradley armored vehicle.
Perhaps the most tasteless “joke” on your site. Which says a lot. Way to support the troops.
Wow. I thought I was bad….You guys are eeeeeevillll.
Hmmmm…evil for me is creating fantastic stories of horrible behavior on the part of soldiers in a pathetic attempt to blow air into a non-existent writing career, and in the process of doing so, falsely strengthening the anti-war effort at home, and emboldening our enemies to retaliate with similar treatment on captured soldiers.
But that’s just me.
I’m not sure that the stories were all that “fantastic” by any definition and I don’t think we will ever know how much truth was in them. The tastelessness is to infer that a soldier deserves fragging because he’s told tales embarrassing to the leadership. I’m not sure that’s what we’re over there fighting for. And are you telling me that after Abu Ghraib, Scott Beauchamp’s silly stories are going to be the straw that emboldens the Iraqi insurgency to attack and mistreat US troops? That’s pretty funny.
Eh, I’ve seen you post worse. If he wants to piss on the big dogs, he’s got to run with the grass . . . uh, something like that.
Were they silly stories, Mo MoDo? Seems they appeared in a pretty important publication, no? Figures that people on the left would now try to dismiss this as some crazy internet rumor run amok, and not what it was.
And I wasn’t aware that Abu Ghraib had maxed-out the insurgency’s anger, and they were merely shrugging their shoulders at new allegations and saying, “I have no more capacity for anger.”
I’d stick with your Dowd obsession.
I didn’t mean “eeeeevilll” like it was a bad thing
Re: post# 5.
Amen to you. I sort of wonder if those poking back at you have military, especially combat military, in their resume. I kinda think they would despise that lying #@%$ as much as I do. By the way, I am not a blanket apologist for that tiny fraction of the military that have discredited the vast majority of us in some folks eyes. I think the My Lai bunch should have received the max, and the Abu Ghraib guards (and immediate supervisors) should all be cooling their heels in a jail cell.
That is the best news I’ve heard from Iaq in 3years! Just too good to be true.
Great post. The real Hemingway would, I think, be happy to read about Beauchamp’s brutal if fake end. As for those commenters who think you’ve gone too far… In the early 1700’s Jonathan Swift (some say the greatest satirist in the English language) used a similar tactic to write a pamphlet in which he satirized an astrologer (John Partridge) by first predicting his death and then, several days later, followed that up with a fake news story indicating the guy had really died. Despite Partridge’s protests to the contrary, many people believed he was dead. Two final points: (1) maybe your piece will have the same effect, and (2) Swift is pretty good company to run with.
I know it’s satire, but……
By some accounts I’ve seen posted on the LGF blog, Beauchamp was offered the chance to leave his unit, elected to stay, and is now in harm’s way. Rather than continue to kick him around, let’s see what he does with one of life’s rare second chances.
Yes, let’s not continue to mock little Scottie is that it? Yes, the story is in bad taste especially for those of us who are married to the military or have lost people who were in our wedding party to IEDs. That being said, what the Kos Kids and other leftists say about the troops is far worse. Their site isn’t satire this site is! So Mo MODO, get your panties out of a wad and understand this you leftist tool, (as you seem to be one of those “Americans, you call yourself” that believe old Abu Grahaib was probably something that Soldiers do everyday. You are a fu*^ing tool for the leftist, facsist, anti-war idiots in this country.
Sorry for the rant but I am sick to death of the self-righteous garbage out of people like Mo MoDo. Go and speak with the Kos Kids and screen shot this if you like.
I will wait and hold judgement on old Scottie until such time as he truly does prove himself.
HO HO HO! hah hh ah!
You guys are so funny I almost forgot that “conservative satire” is an oxymoron. You’re funnier than putting little holes in grandpa’s stoma bag. You’re funnier than raping a nun.
Whooeee! You are some HIGH-larious cunservutive funnyboys. I can hardly wit for your next madcap zany laff riot!
Great satire! I believe that deaths and maiming of soldiers are a direct and proximal consequence of fabrications and allegations like those of Pvt. Beauchamp. That the Iraqi terrorists spout such propaganda is no surprise, but from an American (soldier, no less) it is treasonous!
That some of the other comments show so much compassion for one member of the military would be encouraging to me were it not for the hatred shown for the rest.