« American Snipers Need Our Support
Ike Turner Dissects Australian Sheikh’s “Cat Meat” Statements »

Hippie Catch And Release Program Too Big A Success?

U.S. Conservation Officers have begun rethinking their hippie preservation efforts of late. ThePeppersprayed_hippie_two program, which was started in the 1970’s in response to the disco craze, has been so wildly successful that an entire new generation has propagated to the point that they will likely be taken off of the endangered list in the near future. 

“The hippie population is at an all-time high,” said U.S. Conservation representative Adam Dillenbeck. “When we first started you’d find the odd one here or there. But now they’re all around us. You can’t go to a coffee house, college campus, or peace rally without stepping on one. This should free us up for conservation efforts involving non-activist judges, conservative professors and Republican newspaper editors.”

Dillenbeck answers critics who say that the hippies have overrun every area of the country by noting that “we have had great success at keeping them out of showers, intelligent dialogue, and the workforce altogether.”

 

   

Share and Enjoy: These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages.
  • Digg
  • del.icio.us
  • StumbleUpon
  • Technorati
  • Fark
Related posts 
  1. Scientists Discover Ron Jeremy/Bird Flu Connection
  2. Top 9 Things Overheard Coming From The Hippies Who Were Pepper-Sprayed At A Recent Anti-War Protest
  3. Frist Silences Helen Thomas
  4. “I’ll Catch Yer Mexicans For Ya”
  5. Couric, Elmo Have The Right Fluff

This entry was posted on Thursday, October 26th, 2006 at 8:04 am and is filed under Conservative satire, Just Plain Old Nuts. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

Comments

7 Responses to “Hippie Catch And Release Program Too Big A Success?”

  1. Patti on October 26th, 2006 6:52 pm

    One place where the ecosystem has been damaged beyond repair by this hippie catch-and-release program is Boulder, Colorado. This has also been aided by the tolerance of the local population. I’m not sure if that city can be saved!

  2. jarhead john on October 26th, 2006 8:42 pm

    Hmmmm, does this mean that the hunting season will soon be open again? What will the bag limit be? Will they have a separate rifle and bow season? Gotta get these things straight in advance…

  3. buckley on October 26th, 2006 9:11 pm

    I feel your pain Patti. We do not have a strong hippie concentration where I live, but we do have a nasty little squirrel problem.

    Jarhead, there is no bag limit. They are always in season. Rifles, bows and SUVS may all be used at any time.

    As a side note, they most emphatically DO NOT taste like chicken.

  4. mudkitty on October 26th, 2006 9:20 pm

    I get it, you guys want to be the rightwing Onion.

  5. spurwing plover on October 27th, 2006 9:41 am

    Damn i though they had diiapeared i mean gone with the dinosoar i guess a few are still out there

  6. Greg on October 27th, 2006 1:10 pm

    The failure of the program is that they failed to neuter & spay prior to release.

  7. Alissa on January 8th, 2007 8:36 pm

    Bite me. I am a hippie with a steady job. I bathe daily, and additionally, I have an IQ of 140, which is in the genius range. I am more civilized than you narrow-minded nitwits will ever be.





Next: Ike Turner Dissects Australian Sheikh’s “Cat Meat” Statements »
Previous: « American Snipers Need Our Support