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Reader Mail: Amsterdam
We are continuously stunned by the amount of fan mail we get from our readers. It is extremely flattering, and were we less-grounded people, we would surely start to get big heads from the kudos we receive.
Moreover, we are always encouraged to see that our readership abroad, the Netherlands in particular, continues to grow. Although we have never quite figured out the semantics of the whole Netherlands-Holland-Dutch thing, we have always loved the variety of ways in which they are able to refer to themselves.
Today’s letter is in response to one of our earlier articles (Sudanese Reaction To Mohammed Teddy Bear Reveals Ignorance About The Power Of The Mohammed Brand) and comes from a typical Dutchman, a Mr. Rami Yasin. I can almost see Mr. Yasin slipping off his wood shoes and putting on his handmade ice skates as he prepares to make figure eights on an idyllic Dutch pond. He writes:
You can draw,what ever fucking dame you want,
you can say what ever fucking dame you want,
you can think what ever fucking dame you want…”
Well, I for one am encouraged by Mr. Yasin’s strongly-held beliefs on personal freedom. I, too believe in these same exact things! I know if I keep digging, I’ll find a ton more that we have in common. And for the record, I choose Mary Katharine Ham. I know that “dame” is a bit of an archaic term, but who am I to judge Mr. Yasin’s culture? Besides, even though I don’t know Mary Katharine personally, she doesn’t seem like the type of person who would mind. 
BUT…You cant face me,just that what I want from god. if we come face to face you well see what the fucking dame you deserve.
Oh. My God. I love to talk face-to-face too! E-mailing and texting are so impersonal. I smell a kindred spirit here! By the way, I can’t wait to see what dame I deserve. Oh, please let it be Mary Katherine! Oh, please let it be Mary Katherine!
I’m a muslem,I’m a MOHAMMED’s Soldier,
I’m a Christian, I was “Santa’s Little Helper” in my 3rd grade Christmas play! This is getting freaky.
I love him and all prophets as well as Jesuse
he is a human and he is my prophet too (my god wont and dont need to have a human child or any children because he is mighty over that all).
I love Jesus too! Only in my country we spell it without the last “e.” However, I’m a bit confused here. If your god “wont and dont need to have a human child,” then how come he was always dating them? That must be one of the “mysteries of Islam” I’ve heard so much about. I can’t wait to learn more!
But you fucking disgusting christian people you dont have nothing.
I’m not going to discuss any thing with you,
Now that’s not true at all. I got flowers in the spring. I got you to wear my ring. I got you to hold my hand. I got you to understand. I got you to walk with me. I got you to talk with me. See? If you take the time, you can learn a lot about a person. We aren’t so different after all. Except the part about your religion directing you to kill those who think differently than you. Oh, and the cruel and inhumane manner in which you treat women. Plus there’s that suicide bomber thingy. And the utter and total disdain for human life. Besides that, it’s like looking in a mirror.
yes İslam is a violent religion just for you,because thats what you deserve.
Just for me it’s violent? I suppose that will come as something of a surprise to the people in the World Trade Center, the soldiers aboard the USS Cole, the victims of the London and Madrid bombings, and the myriad of people killed or threatened with death right in Holland. You are quite the flatterer though! You almost had me there, you silver-tongued jihadist you!
Damen…I have too be more bad than that,to kile people like you.see you or your fuck cristian people…
Wow. Your god lets you swear a lot more than my god does. And for the record, it’s Buckley, not Damen.
in the armageddon war day at 2035..27 years left
Thanks for the heads up. You heard it here first everyone. Only 9,855 shopping days left until the Armageddon War Day.
Thanks again to Mr. Yasin for taking the time to write.
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Tags: archaic term, buckley f. williams, conservative humor, Conservative satire, dutchman, fan mail, figure eights, grade christmas, ice skates, Islamofascism, kindred spirit, kudos, mary katharine ham, mary katherine, mohammed, muslem, muslim extremism, netherlands holland, personal freedom, rami, readership, semantics, soldier, sudanese, teddy bear
27 years? Can’t his god be more specific? You know, like the exact date? I need to mark it on my calendar.
Maybe his god is just waiting until they resupply the virgin pool. Between the 72 promised to each martyr, I’m sure Mohammed has dipped his pen in the company well (especially the 3-6 years olds).
You have to give Rami credit. It’s not everyday that you meet someone who can butcher another human being AND butcher the English language at the same time. What skill!
“27 years? Can’t his god be more specific? You know, like the exact date? I need to mark it on my calendar.”
Great point Shayne. His god really should put forth a bit more effort. And besides, he didn’t mention if his god acknowledges leap year. We ‘re talking about a roughly four day window here. He and his god may not be busy, but people like you and I have things to do in preparation for Armageddon War Day. I want to look my best.
Besides, we usually have people over for Armageddon War Day Eve. We’ll need some heads up to plan for this big night.
If he’s “not going to discuss any thing (sic) with you”, then why did he spend the entire e-mail discussing things with you?
Man, Dutch and Islam is tough to decipher!
“If he’s “not going to discuss any thing (sic) with you”, then why did he spend the entire e-mail discussing things with you?”
Damn it Jonathan, don’t you understand nuance?
“Man, Dutch and Islam is tough to decipher!”
Not to worry. The Dutch portion of that equation looks like it will be wiped out pretty soon. That should un-muddy the waters a bit.
Hi Shayne,
The world ends on 12/23/12. Assuming, of course, you trust the wisdom of the chocolate addicted Mayans.
Hi Buckley,
I hate you! Wait, make that “admire you.” The best email we get hardly goes beyond the “fuck you,” or “die you pig loving bastard” level. Oh, to inspire hate so great as to generate an email of more than one line! Your talent, to say the least, is inspirational!
the Grit
Great post!
And yes, the world will end in 2012, anyone worth their salt listens to George Noory and knows that. Silly jihadi guys.
You know, it’s very difficult to gauge disposition in text. This could have been just friendly ribbing, or sarcasm, or good ol’ fashioned jihadic frothing.
With that in mind, it is important to the context to know - Is that smilie face at the end Mr. Yasin’s or did TNOYF add that?
BTW, isn’t 2035 the year social security is supposed to run out?
Not to worry. The Dutch portion of that equation looks like it will be wiped out pretty soon. That should un-muddy the waters a bit.
Ain’t that the truth!
Hi Buckley,
…”need some heads up”… Wow. That’s really getting into the spirit of things. This gonna be a BYOB party? Can I come?
There is nothing like a dame…and I should know!
He really wears it on his sleeve doesn’t he? He speaks with passion. He refuses to let a simple language barrier get in the way of his message.
I have too be more bad than that,to kile people like you.see you or your fuck cristian people…
I mean, garbled syntax and all, can anyone doubt what he’s saying? He has a way of making his points and making them stick. I rather like the guy.
Oh those silly muslim Danes! Aren’t they just so cute when they are frothing at the mouth with undecipherable rage?
Makes you just want to bear hug ‘em!
THIS IS JUST A JOOO PRETENDING TO BE A MUSLIM AND TRYING TO DEFAME ISLAM!!!! ISLAM IS A RELIGION OF PEACE!!!! THE JOOOS ALSO CAUSED 9/11 WITH SECRET HOLOGRAPHIC TECHNOLOGY BORROWED FROM DR. EVIL. ALTHOUGH EVEN IF MUSLIMS DID DO IT, YOU DESERVED IT FOR THE SUBSEQUENT INVASIONS OF IRAQ AND AFGHANISTSAN!!!!
STOOPID KUFFAR. IF IT WAS A REAL MUSLIM HED BE ABEL TO SPEL.
!!!!
Oh thank God it’ll be in 2012. I curled into the fetal position as soon as I read the 27 years thing. Now I only have a few more holiday seasons to worry about. Whew.
A little more info would be appreciate, are we talking famine, drought, nuclear or what!?