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Canineocidal Muslim Outmaneuvers St. Cloud University Epilectic Teacher-In-Training
A St. Cloud University student in a teacher-training program was forced to leave his position last month because he feared for the safety of his service dog, Emmit. Tyler Hurd, who suffers from epilepsy, employs the black labrador to save his life in case of a seizure. A Muslim student at the school threatened to kill the dog in accordance with the Islamic belief that dogs are dirty animals and should not be allowed in the presence of Muslims.
University representatives were vexed by the complexities of the case, but confident that Hurd made the right decision by leaving school.
“Whew, I have to say this is a tough one,” said SCU student relations director David Vetter. “Now, code 54 bylaw 1.74b of the university’s charter clearly states that angry, offended Muslims trump all other groups. There’s no wiggle room there. However, an epileptic with a service dog could possibly get preferential treatment under code 71 bylaw 3.43j if he were to have a minimum of three of the top five other victimization criteria. Just off the top of my head, he would have to be any combination of transgendered, HIV-positive, an atheist, dyslexic, or related to Al Sharpton. And even then it’s really iffy. Without those factors though, there is no chance for an appeal. The rules are not vague here; the homicidal Muslim angle is almost impossible to beat. If I were a betting man, I’d put it all against the shaky kid with the dog in this case.”
People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals seemed unsure of how to proceed as well.
“Well, we certainly frown upon death threats against animals,” said PETA spokesman Wendy Dillenbeck. “But rules are rules, and irate Islamists are at the top of the grievance chart in Western society at this particular point in time. The only way I see this case changing is if Emmit were to convert to Islam. Now that might throw a wrinkle in their plans.”
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Tags: 74b, al sharpton, betting man, black labrador, death threats, dhimmi, director david, dirty animals, dyslexic, ethical treatment of animals, hurd, islamic belief, islamists, Islamofascism, militant islam, muslim fanatics, muslim student, people for the ethical treatment of animals, Political correctness, preferential treatment, right decision, st cloud university, treatment of animals, university representatives, wiggle room
Awesome! I think I’ll put a towel on my head, glue on a huge beard, and swing around a simitar at the campuses around here and see how much I can shake them down for.
Sorry for ending that sentence with a preposition. Wait, no I’m not. I’m Muslim now, that rule is racist and I demand it be changed! Allah Snackbar!
How ironic; Muslims don’t like dogs, but my Rottweiler thinks Muslims are delicious. Allah’s Snackbar indeed.
“Allah Snackbar!”
That is a phenomenal quote John. You should put that on a t-shirt with a snackish graphic.
I can’t believe the printers haven’t fixed that yet! The original intent was more like, Muslims are filthy animals and often have flees, so dogs shouldn’t be allowed in their presence. How many years does it take to fix such a minor typo anyway?
the Grit
Great post Buckley, but I can’t enjoy the humor on this one. I’m so f*cking pissed off about this I’m seeing red.
We need to send all of these foreign muslim *ssholes back to their God forsaken Hell holes. I’ve had enough!
I didn’t realize dogs were such a problem to Muslims. It didn’t make it into the “Top 9 Things Muslims Don’t Like”. How’d you guys miss that one? Being that this site is my sole source of news, it would have been a major disaster if I had invited a Muslim friend to my house…if I had one…friend that is.
Who do you think bathed more often–Emmitt or the Muslim in question?
“That is a phenomenal quote John. You should put that on a t-shirt with a snackish graphic.”
Maybe an Almond Joy image that says Allah Joy? You guys could come up with something better.
“…Without those factors though, there is no chance for an appeal. The rules are not vague here; the homicidal Muslim angle is almost impossible to beat. If I were a betting man, I’d put it all against the shaky kid with the dog in this case.”
Oh, goodie, khat eating Liberal Academic Asshats at there best.
OMG, Allah Snackbar. That is awesome. May I suggest a pork product instead as a food image?
Rock on Stacy
What is wrong with a seeing eye goat?
John, I’ll buy the first t-shirt. Especially if you can have it printed in Arabic…
It isn’t a particularly Muzza thing, there’s a lot of rabies in the third world.
But that’s in the third world, the difference between Muzzas and ,say, Hindus is Hindus would understand the concept of “when in Rome do as the Romans do.”
Excellent work as always, gentlement!