Having failed to capture or kill Osama Bin Laden after five years of trying, the Bush administration has recently taken up a different approach.

“We’ve tried bombing him out and we’ve tried offering enormous sums of money for his body- dead or alive,” said White House spokesman Barry Dingle. “Hell, the Clinton administration before us even tried the power of wishful thinking. None of these things worked. Now it’s time to play hardball.”

The “hardball” is a new campaign dubbed “Mock & Flaws” that seeks to push the Al Qaeda leader into revealing his whereabouts.

“Look, this guy is an egomaniac,” said Dingle. “He is so conceited that his organization doesn’t even follow the ‘q-u’ rule! Boy, if my third grade teacher Mrs. Sullivan was around to see this she’d give him the what-for. But I digress. My money says that a well orchestrated taunting campaign will get him to surface.”

The White House was not specific as to the details of the plan, but they did mention that the following tactics would be used:

• a carpet-mocking campaign
• precision guided “yo’ mama” jokes
• tactical deployment of “I had sex with________ (fill in the number) of your wives” stories

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