BFW: Thank you for taking the time to meet with me Mr. Secretary General. I know what a busy man you are.

KA: It is my pleasure. We will be done by noon right? I am doing lunch with Hillary and Bill at The Four Seasons today. The bison carpaccio is to die for.

BFW: Yes, your people called seven times to let us know about that. I’ll make sure you are out of here in plenty of time. How would you categorize your meeting with President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad?

KA: Very productive and useful. He is a serious man with the best interests of his country at heart. We sat down in his bounce house like reasonable world leaders and had a very fruitful discussion.

BFW: His bounce house?

KA: Why does that sound so strange to you? I swear you Americans are beyond intolerant.

BFW: It just seems a bit odd that’s all.

KA: Well I can assure you it was very pleasant. You just have to sort of roll with it. Oh, and make sure to steer clear of the camel glory hole in the back.

BFW: Duly noted. I know that you confronted President Ahmadinejad on his denial of the Holocaust. Can you tell us a bit about his response?

KA: Certainly. President Ahmadinejad was extremely gracious although I fear that some of the dialogue was lost in translation. From what I can gather, he requested that I find a hat to “go sit in”. I am unfamiliar with the term although I believe it to be one of those charming little Iranian colloquialism’s. My interpreters are still working on the actual definition, but I am confident that I read the spirit of his words accurately.

BFW: I see. And when you addressed his refusal to cease enrichment of uranium?

KA: Mr. Ahmadinejad was very pleasant. He demonstrated a willingness to address the situation in a multi-lateral manner that I think you Americans could learn a thing or two from.

BFW: What did he say?

KA: Again, we may have lost a bit in translation but he suggested that America, Great Britain, Australia, Israel and the rest of the world “go vuck ourselves running”. Those ancient cultures have a way with expressing themselves. This tells me two things. First, here is a man who is serious about working with the world in an inclusive manner. And second, he is concerned about the fitness level of all of the worlds citizens, which, judging by the obesity rate in your country is something you should pay heed to.

BFW: You just don’t get it do you?

KA: Get what?

BFW: Never mind. Is there anything you would like to say in conclusion?

KA: I would like to say that there can be no peace in this world without concessions between reasonable people so that we may all live in peace. As it is so in the animal kingdom, so should it be among mankind. Does not the proud gazelle concede his life so that the noble hyena may live? And the mighty Cape Buffalo. Does she not offer her flesh and blood to the regal lion so that he may continue his reign? And what of the …

BFW: Our thanks to U.N. Secretary General Kofi Annan for his time.

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