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Richard Gere: Just Say “No” To Sphincter Glow
Guest Editorial-
by Richard Gere
As many of you have no doubt already heard, General Electric has recently debuted a new line of “Sphincter Glow” light bulbs that seeks to capitalize on the story of the Pakistani inmate who was found with a light bulb jammed into his rectum.
The prisoner, Fateh “The Tungsten Filament Whisperer” Mohammad, said that he awoke last weekend and was bewildered to discover the 40-watt incandescent light bulb in his anus. Bewildered indeed. While Mr. Mohammad has a long line of people who doubt the validity of his story, I am here to say that I believe him without reservation.
Some of you are probably thinking,”But Richard Gere, you are a famous Hollywood movie-star celebrity icon, why would you possibly care about or get involved with a Pakistani criminal who was found with a light bulb in his anus?”
A fair question. I’ll tell you why. Because I, Richard Gere care about people who have been wrongly accused of jamming things up their anuses (or is it ani?- I can never remember). I wouldn’t like it if, the Dalai Lama forbid, I was ever wrongly accused of inserting things into my anus and since my celebrity provides me with a means to speak out against such injustices, I intend to do so. Besides, the story just does not add up.
The official prison report said that Mr. Fateh was found with a 40-watt indoor A-line bulb inside of him. You read that right. A 40-watt A-liner. Call me crazy, but if this was an intentional insertion wouldn’t he have gone with the rectal industry standard of a 100-watt outdoor halogen Parabolic Aluminized Reflector? Think people.
To me, this story smacks of the big light bulb industry trying to drum up more business for themselves at the expense of a poor, disenfranchised Pakistani man who has neither the means nor the vehicle to dispute these horrendous charges of soft glow sodomy.
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That must have been an enLIGHTENing Experiance,but how do you hmmm?
That must have been an enLIGHTening experiance,but how do you HMMM?
I agree. Forty watts! That’s for beginners!
This is the idiot who said WAR HASNT SOLVED ANYTHING thats becuase RICHEARD GERE probibly ever went to school but played hookie and spent his days haning around at WOODSTOCK or went to a place where the weirdos hid out