Lohan Vaults Past Britney In Narco-celebrity Status

Lindsay Lohan’s recent arrest for alcohol use (a violation of her probation) and cocaine possession, has landed the promising young actress back in trouble with the law. However, the starlet is not taking these accusations lying down. Lohan family friend Gina Glickman has gone on the record as saying that the cocaine found on Lindsay was not her’s, but rather that she “was wearing someone else’s pants.

Los Angeles Police Department spokesman Sgt. Richard Davies sympathized with Lohan’s plight, yet remained steadfast onsplashnews.jpg the LAPD’s position.

“I feel for her, I really do,” said Davies. “I think it is entirely possible that her story is true, but we have to work with the evidence that is presented to us. Let this serve as a warning to other young Hollywood actresses: If you are going to borrow a pair of pants from a friend when you are out partying, just make sure that friend is not Courtney Love.”

Far from being an entirely negative experience, Lohan has actually seen her stock rise in the wake of her latest run-in with the law, as Glickman explains.

“The phone is ringing off of the hook. Illicit Narcotics Quarterly has presented her with their prestigious Platinum Straw award. Cocaine Fancy magazine has listed her as one of their “Starlets on the Move.” And Robert Downey Jr. has started calling. Things are moving.”

Lohan herself had no comment on the matter other than to say she was “very pleased with the way the mugshot came out.”

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This entry was posted on Thursday, July 26th, 2007 at 9:36 am and is filed under Conservative satire, Hollywood, Satire. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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