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(*Hasselhoff Warning*) Right-Hooked On A Feeling?

The nation of Germany erupted in a collective orgasm earlier this week when it was discovered that Pamela Bach, the estranged wife of Teutonic icon David Hasselhoff, has levied allegations of Hoff domestic violence against the singer/actor.

“Violence and The Hoff- what on earth could be better?” Gunther Wolfsburg, president of the Bavarian chapter of German’s For Hasselhoff, asked rhetorically. “The only thing that would make it possible for Mr. Hasselhoff to rise further in the esteem of the German people would be to find out that his ex-wife was French and that he was enjoying a nice Berliner Weisse-bier while perpetrating the assaults.”

Hasselhoff supporters in the United States maintain that the former Knight Rider heartthrob is innocent.

“I’m not buying one single word of this,” opined Amber Martell of Tempe, Arizona. “That bitch is lying. You expect me to believe that a person who has brought so much joy to so many people for so long is capable of something like this? I’ll tell you what- listen to his heart-wrenching rendition of Hooked On A Feeling and then try and tell me that God didn’t send down his most beautiful, leather-clad angel to sing his message of love to the world.”   

Thanks to: Stop The ACLU

Technorati tags: David Hasselhoff, Hooked On A Feeling, Domestic violence, Germany, satire, humor

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This entry was posted on Saturday, March 11th, 2006 at 12:15 pm and is filed under Fake News, Hollywood, Satire. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

Comments

5 Responses to “(*Hasselhoff Warning*) Right-Hooked On A Feeling?”

  1. Blue Star Chronicles on March 11th, 2006 4:34 pm

    Jay Bennish: Flower Child or Neo-Nazi?

    Once upon a time there was a little boy who grew up to be sooooooo smart he could teach geography to 15 year olds. His mama and daddy were very, very proud of their baby boy. He was pretty and smart and had a nice hair-do.

  2. Stop The ACLU on March 12th, 2006 12:32 pm

    Sunday Funnies

    image courtesy of faithmouse. The ACLU do seem paranoid about ordering pizza.
    Either Orr has the Carnival of Comedy
    Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiller tells us the difference between guts and balls.
    Rightwing Nation shows us more stupidity from PETA.
    Dryb…

  3. David Drake on March 13th, 2006 6:16 pm

    Hasselhoff Warning much appreciated. Perhaps, like the MPAA, could you add some sort of “Ratings” to future Hasselhoff posts?

    HF=Hasselhoff Friendly
    HO=Hasselhoff Offensive
    HGW=Hasselhoff Gut Wrenching
    HOL=Hasselhoff OverLoad

    Just a thought………

  4. buckley on March 15th, 2006 11:06 am

    Excellent suggestion. Consider it done.

  5. The Skwib -- an irregular and explosive weblog on March 16th, 2006 10:07 am

    The Carnival of Satire #25

    We have a lively Carnival this week, all from submissions, nothing presented by Thag and the results of his “digging stick”. Enjoy!





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