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FEMA Official Who Staged Fake News Conference Told His New Job Is Fake, Too
The Director of National Intelligence announced today that the public affairs position set to be filled by Pat Philbin, the orchestrator of last week’s
fake FEMA press conference, had been determined to be fake as well.
“Hey, I love a good prank,” said DNI Director Mike McConnell. “and why should the guys at FEMA have all the fun? So I just called Pat and told him that there really was no job, we were just pulling his leg all along. HA! I think I caught him by surprise, cause he just sort of whimpered. But I bet he’s laughing now, knowing what a great sense of humor he’s got.”
A reporter pointed out to McConnell that Philbin claimed he was unaware the FEMA media advisory went out as late as it did last week, creating the need for fill-in “reporters” at the hastily arranged news conference.
“Oh, that Pat really knows how to keep a joke going, doesn’t he?” said McConnell. “OK, OK, I’ll play along. Uh, I didn’t know that Pat’s job was fake, either. But I’m in charge, so I’ll just have to bear the burden of his unemployment.”
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famous quotes
Those silly FEMA dudes, they got the whole idea from NASA, who is currently building the fake Mars landing site in the same studio where they “landed” on the Moon years ago.
Those cut-ups.
Dammit Murphy, you blew their cover. Now I gotta go knock off a few people to cover some tracks. Might have to wait until the new year for some; almost at my allowed quota.
Hillary Clinton
Shut up the both of ya! It hasn’t been easy for me, either! Someone has to haunt the damned Lincoln Bedroom all proper! It’s “hainted” you know.
Love to the youngins,
Strom Thurmand
Dear Mike,
I am preparing a fake news conference for Hillary. But, I would prefer that it be know as a “real” news conference. How can I ensure my less talented actors are not exposed as fakes?
Softball TV Tom
**Note to self: Forget about knocking off FEMA and NASA personnel, use remaining hits on Brokaw.**
Hill
Hillary: Brokaw isn’t real either–he is a computer generated image that NBC came up with to combat Dan Rather–it worked too, a fake person was actually better than his crappy reporting. Besides, you better work on Oprah–she might just be our new VP if Obama is elected.
Which come to think of it, I’m not sure Obama is real either. He sounds fake, hmmmm….
Oreo Obama is 31 points behind me in the polls; I’m not worried. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got fundraising to worry about.
“Geezuz Bill quit text-messaging Peter Paul. I already told you IRB would take care of him for us.”
“Peter Paul? Oh yes…now I remember! He makes the delicious Almond Joy candy bars, does he not? I believe Bill and I have had a few. It was years ago at a campaign fund raiser! I seem to remember they were both delicious……and rich.”
–Hillary Clinton
Banshee
No, no, no, Laurie! Peter Paul is that dude who sang with Mary!