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Vast PETA- Chinese Take-out Syndicate Uncovered
Brad Clarke walked in to The House of Wang earlier this week wanting nothing more than a pint of their famous General Tso’s Chicken. What followed will likely cause all of to reevaluate what we thought we knew to be true.
“I knew something was up as soon as I placed my order,” said Clarke, a regular at the restaurant. “The guy behind the counter repeated it back to me with words instead of the number. That’s never happened. As I looked closer I realized the dude had blond hair, dreadlocks and a ‘Che Rules’ t-shirt on. I knew that uniform immediately and that’s when I called the cops.”
Upon investigation the police discovered that the Chinese restaurants and pretend animal rights group PETA were behind an intricate operation that has trafficked thousands of cats and dogs across the United States to be used as a cheap, yet delicious, chicken substitute.
“I’m a third generation cop,” stated one third generation cop. “My gramps helped take down the mob. My dad told us many stories about Colombian drug traffickers and the violence they did. But this… I ain’t never seen nothing like this. There’s nothin’ so low in the world as a dead-kitty-peddlin’-PETA-poseur!”
A representative for the Chinese Restaurant Association of America would only go on the record as saying “Swear’gen” and “c—sucker”.
PETA spokesman Vincent D’Arugula issued the following statement: “Abu Ghraib. Gitmo, Gitmo, Gitmo. Cheney’s daughter is a lesbian. Bush lied people died. No war for oil. Haliburton. Bushitler.”
TNOYF’s liberal-to-English translation experts are in the process of decoding this message.
(Thanks to Mudville.)
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Wow!
I just had General Tso’s Chicken take out last night… I don’t think I’ve ever eaten cat before, but you never really know, do ya?
Those PETA guys are just too much..
Great post, I can’t think of a gang more suited to poking fun at than PETA, well okay, the ACLU and the liberal dems.
Brunch: 6/26/2005
Try one of these specials with your weekend brunch: ScrappleFace reports that Bush gives it the old Democratic try. Feisty Republican Whore has got to kick off her Sunday shoes. Eyes On The Ball News says Bolton has plans for
man, when you said he walked into ‘House of Wang’ i thought you were going to go in an entirely different direction.
glad you didn’t, though
So, I was going to ask what critters they’d have used for white meat (given that cat and dog are pretty much dark meat), but then I couldn’t recall the last time I’ve seen white meat in my Chinese take-out.
Uh-oh.
Viscount of Women’s Prison Movies
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