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PETA Cries Foul After Diver Pokes Shark In Eye

The animal rights group PETA has unleashed a barrage of criticism against “testosterone-laden  divers” after a man survived a shark attack by poking the beast in the eye.

“So this liquored-up yuppie invades the tranquil domain of the shark, and then pokes him in the eye?” asked PETA spokesman Neville Arugula.  “Once again, you have a human being failing to recognize their proper place in the food chain and going all Survivor-like on a peaceful beast acting on instinct.  Frankly, I haven’t seen an example of man-on-animal abuse this horrid since that Neanderthal in Illinois shot that poor grizzly bear who was eating his son.”

PETA has announced that, in response to the incident, they are organizing shark self-defense classes.

“With the influx of this new breed of macho diver, the ocean has suddenly become a very dangerous place,” said Arugula.  “Any two-bit thug with a snorkel and a set of swim fins can make a name for himself by taking out a shark.  Make no mistake, these gentle giants would much rather live their lives eating kelp and algae and protecting the other species of the sea from predatory humans.”

Arugula noted that the self-defense class will be teaching sharks the time-tested “Moe Technique” to counter aggressive divers.

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 24th, 2007 at 11:07 am and is filed under Animal Rights, Conservative satire, Environment, Fake News. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

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