The Nose On Your Face has discovered that several environmental groups have begun targeting one of the most effective and time-tested weapons in the ongoing War On Odor: air fresheners. This initiative comes on the heels of those same groups’ continued refusal to bathe or use deodorant on a regular basis.

One key report notes the following:

“The environmental groups argue that in houses, offices and restrooms, Americans suffer significant exposure ‘to a veritable cocktail of dangerous and potentially dangerous volatile organic compounds. In cases of mold and damp indoor environments, air fresheners may hide an indicator of potentially serious health threats to the respiratory system.’”

Several student activist groups sprung into action upon learning of the dangers posed by the air freshening industry.   

“I think it’s about time that something is being done about the reckless use of air fresheners in this country,” said Hamilton College freshman Dane Wooderson, looking resplendent in caucasian dreadlocks and a ‘Legalize It!’ t-shirt. “If corporate America doesn’t give a damn about our respiratory systems, then we’ll have to take action on our own.”

However, many in the olfactory rights movement have expressed grave concerns over the potential ban on products such as Glade and Renuzit.

“This is nasal fascism plain and simple. And it is indeed a sad day for those of us engaged in the struggle against foul odors,” said Nelson Butterman of the Illinois-based activist musical group, We Don’t Want The Funk. “This is completely disingenuous. Of course  environmental rights activists are the ones leading the charge against banch-deterring products, much the same way that unfortunate looking, cloven-hooved feminists purport to be concerned that attractive, fit women are being exploited when they choose to use their good looks for their own benefit.”

Butterman added.

“If they are really concerned about ‘mold and damp indoor environments’ and ’serious health threats to the respiratory system,’ wouldn’t it make sense for these environmentalists to put down the monogrammed bongs and move out of their parent’s basements?”

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