If You Are Drinking A Heineken In New Orleans Today, Then You Have Only One Man To Thank

One year after Hurricane Katrina devastated much of the city of New Orleans, one man continues Katrinabeerloot_3 his  fight to resupply the area with the delicious Dutch brew that he feels will bring the city back to it’s glory days.

Many of you are likely familiar with the accompanying photograph of Bartholomew Jenkins taken during a post-Katrina (alleged) looting spree, however you may not be aware of Mr. Jenkins’ side of the story.

“It was a scary day for me,” reported a pensive Jenkins. “Katrina had just hit and people were freaking out. I saw a news report that said that along with the death and destruction, our Heineken reserves were at a dangerously low level. I know what Heiny means to this town. And even though I personally am a Colt .45 man, I knew I had to do something to help save the tourist industry. So I finished the rest of the human leg I was eating, I turned off the 72-inch plasma tv my friend had just given me, and I sprung into action.”

And spring he did. Although admittedly not a strong swimmer, Jenkins made his way up-river (past the Corps of Engineers who were hard at work flooding the town) to Alexandria where he found an intact cache of Heineken at Don Scammel’s abandoned beer distributorship. Jenkins took what he could carry (risking great personal injury by stuffing his pockets with bottles that he knew could break at any moment), and headed back to New Orleans. Jenkins modestly claims that he lost track of exactly how many times he made the trip during the following weeks, but suffice it to say that the shortage did not last.

“I knew we’d be able to settle up with Mr. Scammel later,” said Jenkins. “The important thing was getting the brewskis back to the Big Easy.”

One year later New Orleans continues the rebuilding process but Jenkins continues to hand deliver the beer just as he did when Katrina hit.

“It’s really just a ceremonially thing at this point,” said Jenkins. “But I think that it helps the morale of the city.”

Share and Enjoy: These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages.
  • Digg
  • del.icio.us
  • StumbleUpon
  • Technorati
  • Fark
Related posts 
  1. Arrival Of New Orlean’s “Heineken Looter” Adds Credibility To Nor’easter
  2. Top 9 Other Possible Reasons For National Guard Deployment In New Orleans
  3. “I Have A Chocolate Dream”
  4. Baskin Robbins Launches “Nagin Nut Crunch”
  5. Potfry Leftovers

This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 29th, 2006 at 9:58 am and is filed under Conservative satire, Environment, Fake News. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

Comments

8 Responses to “If You Are Drinking A Heineken In New Orleans Today, Then You Have Only One Man To Thank”

  1. discarded lies - hyperlinkopotamus on August 29th, 2006 10:01 am

    If You Are Drinking A Heineken In New Orleans Today, Then You Have Only One Man To Thank

    If You Are Drinking A Heineken In New Orleans Today, Then You Have Only One Man To Thank

  2. William Teach on August 29th, 2006 8:38 pm

    See, I always thought you were supposed to get the beer before the hurricane. Learn something new every day. :)

  3. buckley on August 29th, 2006 9:30 pm

    Excellent point William. If the Bush administration hadn’t been so derelict in their duty, there would have been beer before the hurricane.

  4. Greta (Hooah Wife) on August 29th, 2006 9:52 pm

    I think we all need to demand that Heineken sponsor our next major hurricane!

  5. jarhead john on August 29th, 2006 10:38 pm

    Now there’s a fine upstanding citizen. I’m afraid I’d be stockpiling beer well before the hurricane hit. Perhaps as much as ten years in advance. Yep, ten years worth of beer; that should do it.

  6. spurwing plover on September 3rd, 2006 8:21 pm

    Like just after HURRICANE ANDREW went through FLORIDA a few years ago the sign which read YOU LOOT I SHOOT

  7. yuntrip on September 14th, 2006 11:24 pm
  8. etienne on September 20th, 2006 4:38 am

    une bière excellente et qui ne me déssoie jamais.
    mon blog http://heineken.collection.over-blog.com
    merci pour votre visite





Next: Suggested John Mark Karr Headstone »
Previous: « Terror TV Programming Uncovered