Guest Editorial-

by Ike Turner

As you might imagine, I have been closely watching the Sheikh Taj el-Din al-Hilali case in Australia unfold with bated breath. Not only do the Sheikh and I share many similar views on ho’s, he also happens to have one of the most mackdaddyistic names that has ever been.

I have included the text of his statements and added a few thoughts of my own.

“When it comes to adultery, it’s 90 percent the woman’s responsibility (I feel this is a somewhat low estimate, but carry on). Why? Because a woman owns the weapon of seduction. It’s she who takes off her clothes (Um hmm), shortens them (Talk a little slower), flirts (Hey now), puts on make-up and powder (Careful, you’re gonna make the Ikeman cometh) and takes to the streets (What ?!? You must be crazy), God protect us, dallying (Sounds like somebody needs to keep his tricks in check). It’s she who shortens, raises and lowers. Then, it’s a look, a smile, a conversation, a greeting, a talk, a date, a meeting, a crime, then Long Bay jail. Then you get a judge, who has no mercy, and he gives you 65 years (Preach on).”

“But when it comes to this disaster, who started it? In his literature, writer al-Rafee says, if I came across a rape crime, I would discipline the man and order that the woman be jailed for life (”Discipline the man”?!?). Why would you do this, Rafee (Yeah Rafee, why?)? He said because if she had not left the meat uncovered, the cat wouldn’t have snatched it (Alright, you lost me here. I am all for blaming your trick for most everything, but when you start yapping about some nasty combination of bestiality and a deli-platter, you’re on your own).”

“If you get a kilo of meat, and you don’t put it in the fridge or in the pot or in the kitchen but you leave it on a plate in the backyard, and then you have a fight with the neighbour because his cats eat the meat, you’re crazy (I’m not sure I completely dig how you people roll). Isn’t this true (Hell no)?”

“If you take uncovered meat and put it on the street, on the pavement, in a garden, in a park, or in the backyard, without a cover and the cats eat it, then whose fault will it be, the cats, or the uncovered meat’s? The uncovered meat is the disaster. If the meat was covered the cats wouldn’t roam around it. If the meat is inside the fridge, they won’t get it (Look here. I’m about as kinky a son-of-a-bitch as you’ll ever find, but these “cat-meat” references are freakin’ me right the hell out).”

“If the woman is in her boudoir, in her house and if she’s wearing the veil and if she shows modesty, disasters don’t happen (Ike Turner’s Rule Number 127- If your bitch is kept inside the gate, another fella she cannot fellate).”

“Satan sees women as half his soldiers (Now you’re talking in my good ear again). You’re my messenger in necessity, Satan tells women you‘re my weapon to bring down any stubborn man (By “stubborn” you must mean “weak”). There are men that I fail with. But you’re the best of my weapons.”

“…The woman was behind Satan (I hope it was the standard four paces behind) playing a role when she disobeyed God and went out all dolled up and unveiled and made of herself palatable food that rakes and perverts would race for. She was the reason behind this sin taking place (I like the way you brought it back home here).”

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