Editorial-

Once again the Christmas season is upon us. This is the time of the year that many of us look forward to above all others. A time for giving and singing and celebrating. A time to be spent with close friends and family. However, this can be a very difficult time of the year for those who are less fortunate than ourselves.

That is why I started the Adopt-A-Liberal Foundation. For about the same amount of money you would spend a month on ammunition or to buy Ann Coulter’s latest book, you can make a huge difference in the life of a liberal.

Here’s how it works. Once you send in a small donation, you will soon receive a photograph and a short bio on your liberal along with their contact information. It is your responsibility to make contact with your adoptee as the concept of “responsibility” will be foreign to him at first.

From then on the process will go like this:

• On the initial phone call, tell your liberal that you got his name from a mutual friend at a peace protest you both attended. Next, make a vague and disparaging but utterly unprovable accusation against President Bush. This will immediately cause him to lower his guard and be open to hearing what you have to say.   
• Tell him that you are holding a “Free Tookie Williams” rally at your house on December 24th (do not say “Christmas Eve” as that would likely arouse his suspicions).
• When answering your door, be sure to have on flowing African tribal robes and a kofia.
• Once you have your liberal safely inside, quickly lock the door and then stun him by having your family jump out and scream “Merry Christmas!”
• While he is dazed, quickly tie him to a chair in front of your tree.
• Have your obviously non-aborted children sing him songs and feed him cookies and egg nog while they tell him the story of Christmas.
• Explain to him over and over why the Iraq War was necessary.
• Let him know that a bomb planted by Islamofascists in the United States would kill him just as surely as it would kill Republicans.
• Tel him that pedophiles relinquished their rights when they became pedophiles.
• (Note: If at any time your liberal becomes verbally abusive or attempts to sleep, punch him in the mouth. Hard. Do not worry about hurting him. He has been to multiple peace protests and was active during the 2004 presidential campaign. He is well-schooled in the use of violence as a tool for solving problems.)
• Read him Mark Steyn and Charles Krauthammer and Victor Davis Hanson.
• Repeat.

If we can help just one liberal like little Teddy here, then we will have truly done something special this Christmas Season. Please send in your donation now.

Merry Christmas!

Thanks to OTB.

Related posts 

1. TNOYF’s Guide To Dealing With Your Family During Christmas: Part II
2. Major Award For TNOYF
3. TNOYF’s Guide To Dealing With Your Family During Christmas: Part I
4. TNOYF’s Guide To Dealing With Your Family During Christmas: Part I
5. Christmas Time Carnies, Fake Quotes & Captions