The results of a long-term study of nursery school children in Berkeley, California have recently been released and the findings may surprise you.

Researchers Jack and Jeanne Block spent over twenty years studying the personality traits of Berkeley pre-schoolers and their findings suggest that whiny, insecure children grow up to be conservatives while self-confident, resilient, self-reliant children grow up to be liberals.

While we do not doubt the reliability of a Berkeley funded study of Berkeley children by Berkeley residents that casts conservatives in a negative light, we felt that there may have been some additional survey results that required more attention.

We did some more digging around and found that to be the case. Listed below are some of the unreported results form this study:    

9. Although no one has actually been able to say the words “self-confident, self-reliant, liberal” with a straight face, you can write them fairly easily.

8. 27% of Berkeley parents surveyed replied that it was “okay” to date children as young as nursery school while 24% felt kindergarten was an appropriate age for this rite of passage. The remaining 49% regularly “cruise Chuck E. Cheese for some strange.”

7. The next “poll” of any sort that most of the children in this survey will become familiar with is the pole they will be dancing around for a living thanks to the one-two combination of their Berkeley education and permissive liberal parenting. 

6. Outside of their more functional uses in Berkeley, gerbils make great pets too.

5. It is nearly impossible to differentiate whiny children from their parents via phone interviews.

4. Whining increases exponentially when there are more than two fathers in a Berkeley household.

3. “Conservative” in Berkeley is defined as a woman who will not have an abortion after the seventh month of pregnancy. 

2. Only in the American halls of academia could someone make an entire career out of studying the whining patterns of children.

1. With proper instruction, kids as young as 4-years of age are able to make rudimentary comparisons of President Bush to Adolf Hitler.

Thanks to: Don Surber, Point Five, Wizbang!, Samantha Burns , OTB & Mudville

More at: Michelle Malkin, The Volokh Conspiracy, Junk Yard Blog, Dr. Sanity,

Technorati tags: Berkeley, conservative, whiny, satire, humor

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