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Top 9 Unintended Consequences of Witches Being Granted Tax Exempt Status
The ACLU has been taken to task recently for their decision to support tax exempt status for covens of witches, while simultaneously continuing their assault on Christianity in America. Meanwhile, the organization’s own Policy #92: Religious Bodies Tax Exemption, clearly states that “the ACLU opposes the tax-exemption of all churches.”
“This demonstrates yet again that the ACLU is an anti-Christian organization with designs on erasing any traces of Christianity from the country,” stated Colin Peterson, an anti-ACLU spokesman. “All Americans, Democrats and Republicans, should be outraged by this and should stand together to stop the madness.”
Mr. Peterson was kind enough to compile a list of potential repercussions that could come about because of this new classification.
Top 9 Unintended Consequences of Witches Being Granted Tax Exempt Status:
9. All the publicity might increase Darren’s street cred.
8. Turning someone into a newt might be accorded the same “miracle status” as turning water into wine.
7. “Coven” may replace “gaggle”, “pride” and “school” as the group descriptor of choice.
6. Wart removal might no longer be considered an elective surgical procedure and be covered under insurance companies “religious rider” clauses.
5. Under further examination, the witch that was accused of trying to eat Hansel & Gretel might finally be exonerated and the two children may be seen as the “lying, whiny brats” that the mainstream media has tried to portray them as.
4. With the witches from “Charmed” as the religion’s poster girls, male attendance at coven meetings is expected to increase by 300 - 400%.
3. Bats may finally bump The Western Diamondback Rattlesnake out of the #217 slot on American children’s “Favorite Cuddly Pets” list.
2. Cauldron sales expected to help stimulate the economy.
1. In anticipation of the change, Ted Kennedy has already called Alyssa Milano and Shannon Doherty to testify before his recently formed Senate Sub-committee On Hot Witches.
(Disclaimer: Any similarities between TNOYF’s “Top 9″ lists and other organizations “Top 10″ lists are purely coincidental. As you can see, our lists have 9, theirs have 10. Way different.)
Great and hillarious post! Thanks…the humor is a great touch!
#8, turning someone into a newt.
Wouldn’t more Newts tend to work against the aims of witches — uh, Magical-Americans?
At least maybe then we could get the deficit under better control.
Would a witch-made Newt call it the Compact with America?