A Seattle school district recently sent a letter to parents pointing out that Thanksgiving was a “difficult time” for Native Americans, and encouraging them to explore alternative celebration methods that might be sensitive to those who don’t view the holiday as a festive time.

The letter linked parents to an Oyate website, where they could learn about “The 11 Myths of Thanksgiving.”

At TNOYF, we agree with correcting historical myths, but have concluded that the erroneous nature of the facts presented can only mean that the writers got into the Chief’s firewater stash before writing this. We herewith present the 11 Myths of Thanksgiving; the Oyate facts; and our own corrected TNOYF facts.

Myth #1: “The First Thanksgiving” occurred in 1621.

Oyate Fact: No one knows when the “first” thanksgiving occurred. People have been giving thanks for as long as people have existed. Indigenous nations all over the world have celebrations of the harvest that come from very old traditions; for Native peoples, thanksgiving comes not once a year, but every day, for all the gifts of life. To refer to the harvest feast of 1621 as “The First Thanksgiving” disappears Indian peoples in the eyes of non-Native children.

TNOYF Fact: When did the first Thanksgiving become just about harvest gratitude? That’s an incredibly limited and naive definition. When you consider the more widely accepted Thanksgiving definition– “a time of thanks and the beginning of centuries of Indian deception”– it definitely started in 1621. You can’t just celebrate part of the holiday.

Also, a first Thanksgiving is a very personal event. The first one I remember was in 1977 at my grandparents’ house. I was six years old and it was awesome. Uncle Rich was really in the holiday spirit, even though he’d just gotten out of jail. He locked himself in the pantry with the turkey, saying he was going to “introduce the bird to Uncle Rich’s bird.” Aunt Tina told Uncle Rich that she was going to call his parole officer if he didn’t hand the turkey over right away. When Rich finally came out without his pants, he jumped on the table and yelled, “Who wants to pull Uncle Rich’s wishbone?”

So you see, Thanksgiving is more than just gratitude. It’s also about laying the groundwork for genocide and sex with dead animals.

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Myth #2: The people who came across the ocean on the Mayflower were called Pilgrims.

Oyate Fact: The Plimoth settlers did not refer to themselves as “Pilgrims.” Pilgrims are people who travel for religious reasons, such as Muslims who make a pilgrimage to Mecca. Most of those who arrived here from England were religious dissidents who had broken away from the Church of England. They called themselves “Saints”; others called them “Separatists.” Some of the settlers were “Puritans,” dissidents but not separatists who wanted to “purify” the Church. It wasn’t until around the time of the American Revolution that the name “Pilgrims” came to be associated with the Plimoth settlers, and the “Pilgrims” became the symbol of American morality and Christian faith, fortitude, and family.

TNOYF Fact: Hello? I don’t mean to sound like a know-it-all, but a person that comes across the ocean on a boat is called a “pirate.” And all I know about pirates is that they tend to lose their hands and eyes after drinking a bunch of rum. A “pilgrim” is a term of greeting used by male, heterosexual cowboys in the days of the Old West. Maybe you guys should leave the Pilgrim lessons to folks who can spell “Plymouth.”

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Myth #3: The colonists came seeking freedom of religion in a new land.

Oyate Fact: The colonists were not just innocent refugees from religious persecution. By 1620, hundreds of Native people had already been to England and back, most as captives; so the Plimoth colonists knew full well that the land they were settling on was inhabited. Nevertheless, their belief system taught them that any land that was “unimproved” was “wild” and theirs for the taking; that the people who lived there were roving heathens with no right to the land. Both the Separatists and Puritans were rigid fundamentalists who came here fully intending to take the land away from its Native inhabitants and establish a new nation, their “Holy Kingdom.” The Plimoth colonists were never concerned with “freedom of religion” for anyone but themselves.

TNOYF Fact: This is a common misunderstanding, actually. The reason the colonists left England is one of simple supply and demand. A production error at the Manchester Textile Company left merchants with an over-run of smallpox-laden blankets, far exceeding the need in England, where people had started to wise up to what was widely becoming known as “the cottony death.” Realizing that they needed an untapped market for their product, the future colonists risked their lives by striking out on an intercontinental adventure. It’s truly an inspiring story of free market capitalism.

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Myth #4: When the “Pilgrims” landed, they first stepped foot on “Plymouth Rock.”

 

Oyate Fact: When the colonists landed, they sought out a sandy inlet in which to beach the little shallop that carried them from the Mayflower to the mainland. This shallop would have been smashed to smithereens had they docked at a rock, especially a Rock. Although the Plimoth settlers built their homes just up the hill from the Rock, William Bradford in Mourt’s Relation: A Journal of the Pilgrims at Plymouth, does not even mention the Rock; writing only that they “unshipped our shallop and drew her on land.” (3) The actual “rock” is a slab of Dedham granodiorite placed there by a receding glacier some 20,000 years ago. It was first referred to in a town surveying record in 1715, almost 100 years after the landing. Since then, the Rock has been moved, cracked in two, pasted together, carved up, chipped apart by tourists, cracked again, and now rests as a memorial to something that never happened. (4)It’s quite possible that the myth about the “Pilgrims” landing on a “Rock” originated as a reference to the New Testament of the Christian bible, in which Jesus says to Peter, “And I say also unto thee, Thou art Peter, and upon this rock I will build my Church and the Gates of Hell shall not prevail against it.” (Matthew 16:18) The appeal to these scriptures gives credence to the sanctity of colonization and the divine destiny of the dominant culture. Although the colonists were not dominant then, they behaved as though they were.

TNOYF Fact: “Shallop?” “Plimoth?” “Granodiorite?” Look, if we’re going to make up words, that’s cool with me. I think you can do better though. How about, “When the colonists landed, they sought out a sandy inlet in which to beach the turbo-charged, Wunderdragon Excelsior that carried them from the Mayflower to the mainland.”

Regardless, you seem to be ignoring the go-to source for the history of Colonial America: Schoolhouse Rock. A frame by frame analysis of their seminal work, No More Kings, clearly reveals the colonists landed at Plymouth Rock.

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Myth #5: The Pilgrims found corn.

 

Oyate Fact: Just a few days after landing, a party of about 16 settlers led by Captain Myles Standish followed a Nauset trail and came upon an iron kettle and a cache of Indian corn buried in the sand. They made off with the corn and returned a few days later with reinforcements. This larger group “found” a larger store of corn, about ten bushels, and took it. They also “found” several graves, and, according to Mourt’s Relation, “brought sundry of the prettiest things away” from a child’s grave and then covered up the corpse. They also “found” two Indian dwellings and “some of the best things we took away with us.” There is no record that restitution was ever made for the stolen corn, and the Wampanoag did not soon forget the colonists’ ransacking of Indian graves.

TNOYF Fact: A classic example of how a careless typo can change history. Of course the Pilgrims didn’t find corn. The Pilgrims found porn.

See, Standish and his “party of 16″ weren’t foraging for food as much as they were looking for a clearing to assemble the Colonial love train. After months in cramped quarters on the Mayflower, the adventurers were looking to spread out and christen the New World “Pilgrim style.”

On a search for some Mazzola Corn Oil, a member of Standish’s party snuck into a teepee and discovered a stash of Indian porn etchings under the hammock of a young Indian warrior.

On a related note, historians say that many years later it was one of Standish’s relatives who was the first person known to fold the Land O Lakes butter box in half so that it appeared as though the Indian princess’s breasts were showing.

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Myth #6: Samoset appeared out of nowhere, and along with Squanto became friends with the Pilgrims. Squanto helped the Pilgrims survive and joined them at “The First Thanksgiving.”

 

Oyate Fact: Samoset, an eastern Abenaki chief, was the first to contact the Plimoth colonists. He was investigating the settlement to gather information and report to Massasoit, the head sachem in the Wampanoag territory. In his hand, Samoset carried two arrows: one blunt and one pointed. The question to the settlers was: are you friend or foe? Samoset brought Tisquantum (Squanto), one of the few survivors of the original Wampanoag village of Pawtuxet, to meet the English and keep an eye on them. Tisquantum had been taken captive by English captains several years earlier, and both he and Samoset spoke English. Tisquantum agreed to live among the colonists and serve as a translator. Massasoit also sent Hobbamock and his family to live near the colony to keep an eye on the settlement and also to watch Tisquantum, whom Massasoit did not trust. The Wampanoag oral tradition says that Massasoit ordered Tisquantum killed after he tried to stir up the English against the Wampanoag. Massasoit himself lost face after his years of dealing with the English only led to warfare and land grabs. Tisquantum is viewed by Wampanoag people as a traitor, for his scheming against other Native people for his own gain. Massasoit is viewed as a wise and generous leader whose affection for the English may have led him to be too tolerant of their ways. (7)

TNOYF Fact: Heh, heh. He said, “Squanto.”

 

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Myth #7: The Pilgrims invited the Indians to celebrate the First Thanksgiving.

 

Oyate Fact: According to oral accounts from the Wampanoag people, when the Native people nearby first heard the gunshots of the hunting colonists, they thought that the colonists were preparing for war and that Massasoit needed to be informed. When Massasoit showed up with 90 men and no women or children, it can be assumed that he was being cautious. When he saw there was a party going on, his men then went out and brought back five deer and lots of turkeys. (8) In addition, both the Wampanoag and the English settlers were long familiar with harvest celebrations. Long before the Europeans set foot on these shores, Native peoples gave thanks every day for all the gifts of life, and held thanksgiving celebrations and giveaways at certain times of the year. The Europeans also had days of thanksgiving, marked by religious services. So the coming together of two peoples to share food and company was not entirely a foreign thing for either. But the visit that by all accounts lasted three days was most likely one of a series of political meetings to discuss and secure a military alliance. Neither side totally trusted the other: The Europeans considered the Wampanoag soulless heathens and instruments of the devil, and the Wampanoag had seen the Europeans steal their seed corn and rob their graves. In any event, neither the Wampanoag nor the Europeans referred to this feast/meeting as “Thanksgiving.”

TNOYF Fact: The Wampanoag, a notoriously ill-mannered and lazy party-crashing people, were in fact invited, but did not RSVP by the date on the invitation. Instead, they brazenly showed up at dinner, putting the Pilgrims in quite an awkward position: the Pilgrims were an unfailingly polite bunch, but had not planned on dinner for so many. History shows us that they did their best to accommodate their surprise guests. The Pilgrims did in fact hold the belief that the Wampanoag were “soulless heathens and instruments of the devil.” However, they came to characterize them as such only after witnessing them eating their dinners with their salad forks.

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Myth #8: The Pilgrims provided the food for their Indian friends.

Oyate Fact: It is known that when Massasoit showed up with 90 men and saw there was a party going on, they then went out and brought back five deer and lots of turkeys. Though the details of this event have become clouded in secular mythology, judging by the inability of the settlers to provide for themselves at this time and Edward Winslow’s letter of 1622 (10), it is most likely that Massasoit and his people provided most of the food for this “historic” meal. (11)

TNOYF Fact: While the Indians technically brought the food to the meal, Obi Wan Standish’s letter proves that they likely did so with some “urging” from the mentally adept Pilgrims.

As Standish noted:

“The red men are a particularly hearty bunch, with a propensity for finding the most wondrous of foods. However, their rather primitive belief system leaves them quite susceptible to the most rudimentary of mind control techniques: it was no large task to ‘convince’ them to gather the food for the meal. Things did get a bit concerning for a moment when one particular brave, Massasoit by name, questioned my taking extra helpings of vegetables. Luckily I was able to diffuse the situation by simply telling him, “These aren’t the yams you’re looking for.”

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Myth #9: The Pilgrims and Indians feasted on turkey, potatoes, berries, cranberry sauce, pumpkin pie, and popcorn.

 

Oyate Fact: Both written and oral evidence show that what was actually consumed at the harvest festival in 1621 included venison (since Massasoit and his people brought five deer), wild fowl, and quite possibly nasaump—dried corn pounded and boiled into a thick porridge, and pompion—cooked, mashed pumpkin. Among the other food that would have been available, fresh fruits such as plums, grapes, berries and melons would have been out of season. It would have been too cold to dig for clams or fish for eels or small fish. There were no boats to fish for lobsters in rough water that was about 60 fathoms deep. There was not enough of the barley crop to make a batch of beer, nor was there a wheat crop. Potatoes and sweet potatoes didn’t get from the south up to New England until the 18th century, nor did sweet corn. Cranberries would have been too tart to eat without sugar to sweeten them, and that’s probably why they wouldn’t have had pumpkin pie, either. Since the corn of the time could not be successfully popped, there was no popcorn. (12)

TNOYF Fact: We agree with the facts as presented here with one exception: the belief that there was no popcorn. The Oyate people severely underestimate the longevity of Orville Redenbacher.

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Myth #10: The Pilgrims and Indians became great friends.

 

 

Oyate Fact: A mere generation later, the balance of power had shifted so enormously and the theft of land by the European settlers had become so egregious that the Wampanoag were forced into battle. In 1637, English soldiers massacred some 700 Pequot men, women and children at Mystic Fort, burning many of them alive in their homes and shooting those who fled. The colony of Connecticut and Massachusetts Bay Colony observed a day of thanksgiving commemorating the massacre. By 1675, there were some 50,000 colonists in the place they had named “New England.” That year, Metacom, a son of Massasoit, one of the first whose generosity had saved the lives of the starving settlers, led a rebellion against them. By the end of the conflict known as “King Philip’s War,” most of the Indian peoples of the Northeast region had been either completely wiped out, sold into slavery, or had fled for safety into Canada. Shortly after Metacom’s death, Plimoth Colony declared a day of thanksgiving for the English victory over the Indians. (13)

TNOYF Fact: In many instances, the Pilgrims and Indians did become good friends. However, there was always an unspoken, underlying tension between the groups. This tension may best have been exemplified by Pilgrim entertainer Miles Richardson who, after going on a ten-minute rant about “savages and heathens” while in mixed company, went on to deny that he was Native Americanist by noting, “Some of my best friends are Wampanoags.”

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Myth #11: Thanksgiving is a happy time.

Oyate Fact: For many Indian people, “Thanksgiving” is a time of mourning, of remembering how a gift of generosity was rewarded by theft of land and seed corn, extermination of many from disease and gun, and near total destruction of many more from forced assimilation. As currently celebrated in this country, “Thanksgiving” is a bitter reminder of 500 years of betrayal returned for friendship.

TNOYF Fact: Thanksgiving is indeed a happy, joyous time. It is a time when families and friends come together and express gratitude for all of the blessings they have. It is a selfless time when people open up their doors and share with those closest to them. However, there are exceptions to this rule. Thanksgiving can be a tremendously sad time for certain minority groups. Revisionist historians, in particular, have a very difficult time during this holiday. That their ever-changing views on history do not match up with American traditions is a constant source of stress for this very vulnerable and often overlooked group. Vegetarians also have a difficult time during Thanksgiving. The wholesale slaughter of turkeys is upsetting enough to this socially conscious group that many of them take time away from their abortion-rights protests to demand more humane treatment for the bird that none other than Ben Franklin declared “noble, yet delicious.”

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