Faced with low ratings and lower still revenues, liberal radio network Air America has offered up some creative solutions to help ease their well-documented financial woes as well as their flagging popularity.

“We pitted our talent head-to-head against the conservative talkers but that hasn’t worked out so far,” stated an Air America spokesman. “So we did some polling to try and determine the problem and it turns out that our on-air personalities tend to grind on people’s nerves. We also discovered that people, in general, don’t like them or what they have to say. However, we’re not going to let these minor points slow us down one step. We have our best people working on some things that should help us overcome our rank unpopularity. ”

Some of the possible solutions that are being bandied about include:

• Enlisting the boys from Old School to commandeer Salvation Army Santa’s and put them to work in the Air America fund raising department.
• Introducing legislation that would mandate Air America’s inclusion in elementary school curriculum.
• Bringing in more political moderates like Ward Churchill. 
• Have Al Franken read the entire transcript from the preceding days Rush Limbaugh program on the air. All day. Every day.
• Bringing back the popular Double Shot’s With Ted Kennedy segment.
• Sacrificing a conservative on the air once a week.
• Having Evan Cohen infiltrate the Alzheimer’s wings of hospitals and attempt to get the patients to sign over power of attorney to him.

Air America officials note that these are just preliminary ideas and that they have yet to decide on a definitive course of action.

Thanks to Mudville & OTB.

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