Fellow fake news institution The New York Times today issued a bold response to critics who claim that they have not shone their “flashlight of truth” on the Air America/Gloria Wise scandal. To further cement their status as the “Paper of Record”, the Times has hired football legend and acquitted double murderer O.J. Simpson to lead an investigation into the matter.

“As you all know, Mr. Simpson has demonstrated a dogged determination to sniff out the truth wherever it may be,” stated a newspaper spokesman. “Even today, more than ten years after his ex-wife’s death, he continues his quest for the killers. Some people might say that that we cannot afford to wait that I long. I disagree. If it takes ten, twenty or even thirty years that is alright with us. As long as the truth comes out in the end. A long time from now.”

For his part, Simpson has taken to this new challenge with the characteristic enthusiasm that marked his Hall of Fame football career.

“Am I excited about this new opportunity? Most absolutely. I will go wherever this quest takes me,” said Simpson. “Be it a golf course in New York, South Carolina or the Florida Keys I will pursue the truth. I’ll play eighteen, thirty-six even fifty-four holes a day if that’s what it takes. Bad back and all. It’s all about helping the kids.”

Simpson noted that although he is new to the case he does have “a gut feeling that Marcus Allen is involved in some way.”

This post is also available at Blogger News Network. Thanks to Indepundit, Mudville & OTB.

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