Men from around the nation gathered at the doors of Trump Towers early this morning to protest Donald Trump’s decision to conditionally reinstate Miss USA Tara Conner.

To a man, the protesters said they were not upset that Trump let Conner keep the crown, but rather that he let her do so only on the condition that she enter a drinking rehabilitation program. Conner has been infamously partying hard around The Big Apple since winning the crown and has battled rumors that she has had an ongoing affair with Ms. Teen USA Katie Blair, with whom she was sharing an apartment.

“Look, I have no problem whatsoever with Ms. Conner staying on as Ms. USA, in fact I’m all for it,” said Jim Clarke of Philadelphia. “But why the rehab bit? A lot of pressure goes with the title ‘Miss USA’. She might need a few drinks every now and again to lower her inhibitions… I mean, to unwind after a long day of wearing a bikini to promote world peace.

If anything, she should be encouraged for breaking down the walls of homophobia that have been constructed by a cold, hard society. Maybe, just maybe, Tara could use her position as Ms. USA to do just that. I feel that more coverage- video, audio, pictures, whatever- of her exploits would lead to an easing of tensions between the straight and gay communities-  a sort of sexual detente. At least that’s our fantasy… dream… hope… that’s our hope.” 

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